November 27, 2011

SKYE BLUE

Tonight I’m veering wildly of the ‘Family Values’ track to hit you all with something that’s been a long time coming.

You see, a few weeks back I had the distinct pleasure of sitting down for a chat with Shahrazad, aka The Alchemical Seductress, a sexual healer, teacher and dominatrix based right here in Toronto. As we sipped our tea in a cozy corner of a local coffee shop, Shahrazad spoke passionately about her work, the sacredness of human sexuality and even a little D/s.

Needless to say it was a very interesting discussion. But don’t take my word for it. Keep reading to get inside the head space of one of very classy lady.

Ladies and Gents, I give you Shahrazad…

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Skye: For the sake of our readers who aren’t familiar with the name Shahrazad, aka The Alchemical Seductress can you tell me who you are and what you do?

Shahrazad, The Alchemical Seductress

TAS: Though I am many things and have many faces, I am above all a gatekeeper with the ability to help people access ecstatic truths and the potential held within their sexual energy. I teach people how to accept themselves in their own unique manifestation as a sexual being, and then show them how to take sex beyond a physical experience into a spiritual one that catalyzes personal growth and development.

Sexuality touches many aspects of our lives, and when we are struggling or grappling with it, we sometimes we need a teacher, sometimes we need a mentor, sometimes we need a counselor, sometimes we need an experienced guide…and sometimes we need a dominatrix (laughs). Depending on the situation, I employ many roles to help people tap into the profound power of their erotic energy, in whatever way it shows up for them, to enable them to find the self love and acceptance it takes to be comfortable accessing that power.

It is a rare person in this society who is not living with some degree of blockage to full sexual expression. There is often much in the way of individuals truly claiming that power. Religious strictures, media, and our upbringing can set up conflicted relationships between us and our sexuality: which is a natural part of us and also our birthright.

Skye: So based on your own experience, do you think that most people are disconnected from their sexual truth?

TAS: The people I see tend to fall into two categories. There are people who haven’t got the slightest idea of what they want, need or desire sexually and therefore cannot find sexual satisfaction in their realities. Then I see also see people who know their sexual truths, who know that they might be kinky or that they might be bisexual or that they might have a fetish for this or that thing: but for whatever reason – usually because it’s socially unacceptable – they cannot find the outlet or the self-acceptance to make their desires a reality.

I do believe the tantric principle that people can only develop spiritually to the degree to which they’ve come to love and accept their sexual energy. I believe it was Osho that said, “Sex is just the beginning, it’s not the end. But if you miss the beginning you miss the end also.” Sexuality then becomes a vehicle through which we can access quite profound truths about life, like who we are and what our purpose is.

As human beings we have incredible potential and we’re always growing through our life experience. Sexuality happens to be one of the arenas in which, assuming we are willing to look, learn, and go deeply into the experience of sexual consciousness, we can’t help but change. It teaches us very clearly about parts of ourselves that we may not be able to see in other aspects of our lives.

Skye: What drew you to this work?

TAS: I have always felt that my work is more of a calling than a career choice. Some people know from an early age that they want to be a firefighter or a pilot, I always knew that I wanted to be a healer. I have discovered that a big part of my gift is a comfort with and acceptance of my own sexuality; which gives me the ability to hold a space for others to explore their own without judgment.

Skye: On your site Inner Fire Temple you state that…”We no longer trust the communications of our bodies, our intuition, or our knowledge of what we need or desire sexually because we have been conditioned to make our experiences fit what we see “out there”. We look for the “Truth” outside of us, when the only place to discover it is within us.” Why do you think we’ve drifted away from such teachings and the belief that we need to look within for such knowledge?

TAS: Sexuality teachings as a rite of passage at puberty for young men and women were a strong focus in the matriarchal societies of ancient times and still exist in some tribal cultures around the world that have not yet been affected by the dominant patriarchal culture that prevails today. It was understood that the union of sexual energies was sacred and therefore great care was taken to ensure that young men and women: 1) honoured and respected each other’s bodies, as well as their own; 2) knew how to pleasure themselves and their partners; and 3) understood that their sexual energy was a sacred and creative force.

It is an understatement to say that contemporary mainstream society does not value this life giving energy in the same way that it used to. Today we are either told that sexuality is something we should be ashamed of, or that it can be used manipulatively to get what we want in life. Now, our young people grow up with parents who are not comfortable talking about sex; religious beliefs that disconnect them from their physical urges; messaging from corporations that use sex to sell everything from vodka to Barbie Dolls; an abundance of internet pornography that hardly depicts what “real life” sex is like; and a celebrity culture that dictates what “sexy” is. It’s a wonder that anyone is having satisfying and nourishing sex anymore. There is so much misinformation that gets broadcast as truth that we stop listening to the language of our own bodies. We start looking outward, instead of inward, first.

We have young men and women coming into their sexuality thinking “this is the way I’m supposed to be” and “this is how this is supposed to work” based on external messages, rather than finding out what their unique experience is, or trusting their own bodies and intuition.

Skye: Your Inner Fire Temple site also lists your company’s core values, which include:

1. I. Pleasure is natural, beautiful and healthy
2. II. No form of consensual sensual expression between adults is better or worse than any other.

These seem like common sense to me, but in your experience do you find that most people have trouble accepting or have been taught something different about their sexuality?

TAS: Yes, it is amazing what some people have been taught about pleasure: that it is sinful and something that they need to be ashamed of; a luxury that productive people cannot afford; something they need to feel guilty about and resist; something only lazy people indulge in. Depending on the person that socialization can happen via the church, their family or their peers.

I want to make sure that people know that sexual pleasure is natural and even good for their health and longevity. It’s not something we have to war against. Sexuality is inherently part of our human experience. The more we fight against it, the more we fight against our deepest essence.

With regards to consensual sensual expression, because I do a lot of work with people who have unique desires, one of the things that I encourage my clients to understand is that sexual diversity is a rule not an exception. If you have 30 people in a room, you will have 30 completely different experiences of sexuality. In many ways our sexual energy or expression has the potential to be as unique a representation of who we are as a thumb print. But the degree to which we buy into what society deems as normal or not, is the degree to which we are going to express ourselves in conventional ways, even if such conventions are not aligned with our true sexual selves.

Skye: Via Inner Fire Temple you offer your clients the opportunity for sexual healing, which you define as…the experience of a change in one’s inner state that leads to an improvement in one’s health, happiness, sense of harmony, hope, and/or general humour, that emerges as a result of engaging directly and honestly with one’s sexual/sensual self. What do you think is the number one thing that holds people back from engaging directly and honestly with their own sexuality?

TAS: I think that the number one thing that holds people back from their sexuality is fear, and fear comes in many shapes and forms. It could be fear of being different, fear of going against a norm, or fear of being judged by the people we care most about. It is difficult for people to know that there may be a part of them that may not be loved and appreciated in this world. Everyone wants acceptance, to be accepted for who and what they are. And if there’s a chance that that may be compromised people are not always willing to be forthcoming with the parts of themselves that they perceive to be harder for other people to accept.

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Come back tomorrow for Part 2 of my interview with Shahrazad when she dishes on the services she offers, shares her top tips for wannabe dominas and does her part to debunk the stereotype of the bitchy, man-hating dommes.

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