SAM SHARPE

MetAnotherFrog has changed my life. Passing through this space and sharing my thoughts and experiences with you all has been a doozy. Not to mention the kinky parties and the porn awards. It’s all been eye opening. I realize I’ve done a lot of things, most of which I’m proud of, some of which make me cringe with embarrassment or shame, all of which have made me the man I am today. But of all the things I’ve learned I’m not sure anything beats this:

I, Sam Sharpe, love my c*ck.

Why am I telling you this? Well, aside from the fact that I’m as obsessed with my penis as the next man, I was shooting the shit with a female friend who used to be a f*ck buddy. She mentioned that one of the things she enjoyed about sex with me was my lack of pretense; a lack of macho posturing she claims afflicts a lot of men.

“Your body was your body and your cock was your cock…you didn’t move or f*ck like you had something to prove”, she said.

So that thought has been jangling around in my head all day, and I decided I would write about it (Sidebar: I bet you didn’t know that cock is one of our more popular tags and I think used to be the most popular. Actually, I bet you’re not surprised at all). But I’m not so self-involved that I figured you wanted to spend a portion of your day reading about my junk. But I did find a few penis related things online that just may interest you.

THE LARGE PENIS SUPPORT GROUP

Unless you possess an extra large, I’m talking really, really, really large penis, I can think of no reason for a man to be part of a large penis support group. And a cursory glance around the site confirms my suspicion this space acts as a glorified locker room for men to swing their dicks around.

It is hilarious though.

There are forums for new member introductions (that seems reasonable), underwear/clothing/appearance issues (all legitimate concerns), women’s issues (okay, that sounds interesting) and health issues (Hey, can’t knock a man for being concerned about his health). However, a few forums left me dead with laughter. There’s the Penis Enlargement section (Wait, isn’t this place for men who already have big cocks?), the Fictitious Stories forum (Hey, let’s write about our alien-mutant-unicorn penises!), Celebrity Endowments (Really? The less said the better.) and my Personal Favourite, the Politics forum. Yes, a politics forum on a large penis support group site. I’ll let you make your own jokes about hanging chads, gerrymandering and tea-bagging/tea-baggers.

Having said all of that, I did learn about the Toilet Paper Roll Test wherein a man tries to see if his erect member can, you guessed it, fit inside of a toilet paper roll. Apparently if you fit in easily then you’re not really that girthy but if you can’t fit in or it’s a snug fit then you my friend are Trojan Magnum eligible. I’ll pause to allow the few men still reading to rush to the bathroom to squeeze their Charmin (Seriously, I think Charmin is missing an opportunity here).

MEASURECTION

As much fun as I had on the LPSG, I had that much fun and more on Measurection. Don’t know Measurection? Well I didn’t either but I figured if there’s a support group for the hung, there’s got to be one for the un-hung. Et voila, Measurection.

First, I gotta say I dig the name. I love a play on words. Doesn’t Measurection say it all? Second, unlike LPSG, Measurection isn’t heavy on the bragging forums. Instead there’s a larger emphasis placed on dick related news. To wit, their main page features the following stories:

Penis Tattoo Gives Man A Permanent Erection (Idiot)*

Death By Penis Enlargement Injection (Bigger Idiot)

Speedo Succeeds In Getting Aussie ‘Porn’ Blogs Shut(Huh?)

2.5 British Men Too Fat To See Their Penis (And here I thought dental care was their biggest problem…huzzah, I’m here all week kids!)

Moby Wants To Make Porn Featuring Small Penis Guys (A guy named after a f*ckin’ huge whale wants to make porn with small penises. Hmmm. I don’t see any jokes in that one).

*Just to clarify, the snark and sarcasm in the italics is all mine.

And then there was the story about fingers, hands and dicks. Let me clarify. Measurection linked to a story citing a study that claims men with index fingers shorter than their ring fingers tend to be better endowed. So, ladies/gents, take the toilet roll of your/his c*ck and just talk to the hand, talk to the hand.

So what does it all mean? Are men obsessed with their members? Damn right. Should they be? Meh, I don’t have all the answers. I can only speak definitely about myself. And I love my c*ck. You should too. Love your own/partner’s cock I mean.