February 7, 2012
COCO LA CRÈME
I’m wondering if you have any advice for single people on Valentine’s Day. This is the first time in six years that I’ll be on my own and it just feels weird. I know it’s a stupid commercial holiday and truthfully I’ve never taken it that seriously. It’s just that now that I’m single I seem to notice every doily heart and frilly chocolate box out there and it’s making me a little depressed. All my close friends are coupled off so on top of knowing that I have no one to celebrate with I also have to hear about all their romantic plans. I don’t want to be bitter but I totally am. Help please!
It sounds like you’ve got a case of the sads my friend. Let’s see what we can do to turn that frown upside down! As you mentioned Valentine’s Day is a stupid commercial holiday that exists to sell crap to sappy so-and-so’s who then go and rub their joy in everyone else’s face. Did I get that right so far? Well, forget about those happy motherfuckers. They can (and will) get stuffed. Just what is a single person to do on Valentine’s Day?
Well, don’t be like I was five years ago and sleep with a random acquaintance you run into at a terrible bohemian coffee shop. Going this route almost totally guarantees that you will have very bad sex in a very messy basement apartment and you will never be able to look that dude in the eye again. Trying desperately to get laid on Valentine’s Day results, unfortunately, in the most desperate of lays. Heed my warning, BC, and don’t add sex regrets and bedbug scares to your already potent bitter mix.
Instead you’d do well to follow in the footsteps of the many, many single people in the world that have decided that getting caught up in this shit is just not worth their while. I mean seriously, this “holiday” started out as a Roman festival that involved women lining up to be whipped with goat carcasses in the hopes of becoming fertile. I mean that’s kind of gross isn’t it? Perhaps you should cultivate friendships with people who don’t uphold such barbaric traditions. Sure your close friends are coupled off but that doesn’t mean you can’t have any other friends. As a single person you NEED to have some friends who share your circumstance. Invite a pal from work to hang out sometimes, pursue a hobby in a social setting to meet new people and if all else fails join one of those meetup.com groups. Do what it takes BC, otherwise you will find yourself picking apart your friends relationships in a vain bid to bust up their happy homes and regain your Saturday night pals.
The truth is that coupled people, on average, spend less time with friends and family than single people. You don’t notice it until you’re the one getting shafted but we’re all guilty. Learning to embrace the joys that singlehood allows you is the best way to put a positive perspective on the issue. If you’d like some reading to keep you occupied on Feb 14th you couldn’t do much better than Sasha Cagen’s Quirkyalone . This amazing little book gives a status to singlehood that mainstream society doesn’t and exposes the fact that many coupled people envy the freedom that your solo state allows. It’s incredibly affirming and I can’t recommend it enough.
Other options for Valentine’s Day: Do something you love. Have fun and treat yourself. If you have family, call them and tell them you love them. Go to an anti-Valentine’s day party (they are everywhere!) or spend some quality time with yourself. Get some porn and a new sex toy for yourself and self-love your heart out.
The sky’s the limit. You literally have every possibility open to you. The only thing you, as a single person, really can’t do on Valentine’s Day is overpay for a mediocre dinner for two and then fight over some petty bullshit. Sound familiar? Yeah I thought so!
Enjoy your singlehood BC. It probably won’t last forever and someday, you might even miss it.