February 12, 2012
A Guest Post by COCO LA CRÈME
There are few things in the world that I love more than my Magic Wand. I love my fiancée, of course, my family, my health, I even love my work. But, sweet fancy Jesus, I have no idea how I would maintain any of it without that powerful, pleasurable, white Wand of glory.
At times the Wand is the glue that keeps me together, it ensures a satisfying sex life, it helps me sleep better, it even cures my backaches. My Wand is my stress buster, my coping strategy and my daily salvation. All this and it doesn’t even need batteries.
Sure, I had other vibrators before the Wand and I’ve had other vibrators since. It’s a sad fact that nothing comes close. Everything before the Wand was an exploration, a small detour that, regardless of how diverting it was, could only eventually lead me to one place. Orgasm has never come easily for me and at one point they didn’t come at all. I searched out pleasure toys because I knew that I was not experiencing sex as my friends described it. I could not relate to their eagerness to perform the act or the ecstasy they claimed to get from it. Can you say frustrating? I can!
My first vibrator was a monstrous purple jelly thing that, while it worked a damn sight better than my own fingers (clumsy things!), still didn’t take me where I needed to go. After giving the purple jelly a fair shot to impress my parts I decided that my pussy needed to see other people. Over the next couple of years I tried many different types of toys. Blue ones and pink ones, toys that went inside and out. Toys that twirled and whirled and made god-awful noises. Heaven help me, some of them even had faces. None of their fancy tricks worked on me though, what orgasms I had were fast and fleeting. Over before they’d even begun.
The truth is that I stayed away from the Wand at first. I’d heard the stories. Orgasms so strong they felt like lighting. Orgasms that crippled your toes and bent your hair. Orgasms that changed you so much within and without that the rest of your days were spent wandering the streets in search of someone, anyone who could connect the innocent girl you had once been to the cramazing orgasmatron that you had now become. I was scared. Who wouldn’t be? How could I possibly put this GIANT, loud, extremely powerful back massager on my poor tender nethers and hope to survive? Well, dear readers, I must say that I not only survived… I thrived.
One day I just said fuck it! I’m going to put this crazy ass thing on my pussy and see just what the hell happens. I had been told, by those more experienced than myself, to use a folded washcloth between my twat and the machine the first few times… just in case. I seriously don’t mind telling you that this was VERY good advice. The Wand was so powerful that, even through four thick layers of cotton, it ripped from me the most powerful orgasm my young body had every known. There was trembling, and sweating, and a healthy amount of cursing. It was so good I did it again and again and several more times after that.
I’ve flirted with other toys since but no matter how new and fancy, they’ve never earned my commitment. Sometimes a girl gets bored and plays around but she always goes home to daddy in the end. It’s been ten years steady now and I’m on my third one. The first time it was a frayed power cord, the second time the motor quit on me. I don’t mind telling you that the minute I gave those Wands up for goners I hotfooted it down to Ye Olde friendly sex shop and replaced them suckers right quick. Once you’ve had a taste of the good life you just can’t be bothered to mix it up with the working class.
So now, here I am, a confirmed Wand aficionado, facing the ultimate dilemma: a European honeymoon with one week in Paris and another in the South of France. Sounds like heaven right? Well, it comes pretty damn close except, of course, there’s one little snag. The Wand! My co-dependent piece of machinery does NOT work with foreign currents. Like, at all. Removed from the comfort of home the steady, sturdy toy that I have relied upon for so long will, essentially, blow up in my motherfucking face. How can I have two weeks of the best sex of my life without my trusted friend? There are no words.
And so begins my quest. I have four months to find a portable toy that is worthy to accompany my fiancé and I on our whirlwind tour of love. This will take a lot of experimentation. I anticipate countless nights spent awake testing out various strengths, speeds and shapes. The road will be long, slippery and wet but I’m willing to sacrifice, dear readers, to find that which so many of us have sought for so long. Is there a small toy with the power of the Wand? Where will my search lead me? Will my pussy survive or will my clitoris quit in disgust? Be sure to tune in for all the juicy details!
See you soon!