April 24, 2012

JON PRESSICK

Morning coffee: check.

Newspaper: check.

Pop on the TV for some news: check.

Gay porn: check.

Oh yes, the residents of Hamilton, Ontario were recently woken up by a quick burst of gay porn during their morning routine when a technical glitch launched some man sausages onto their plates.

In what was described as a technical error caused by an outside cable repair gone wrong, CHCH TV’s morning newscast was interrupted for approximately three minutes by a gay action sequence. Of those three minutes, about one minute was some serious morning wood.

Some viewers took the event in stride, others were, not surprisingly, outraged. Twitter was full of “think of the children” whining and the company expected to hear many complaints.

Thing is, I’ve got kids. I don’t show them porn, I don’t keep my ‘adult’ materials in places they can easily access. But if this sort of thing happened and they saw some man-lovin’ on the silver screen, here’s what I’d do: I’d turn it off. I’d tell them that sexual matter isn’t appropriate for their age. If they ask more, I’d tell them more.

Others think a little glimpse of cock and balls would be the downfall of society. That it was gay porn in particular brings the nasty spectre of homophobia, in addition to revealing the continued societal fear of sex.

Which leaves me wondering: would it be a terrible thing if kids did see the smut? On one hand, it is an opportunity to create positive dialogue about sex and sexuality. On the other hand, a great many parents aren’t mature enough themselves to have that conversation with their kids.

So, I put it to you readers: whether you have kids or not, are you prepared to have an open and honest conversation with young folks under, say, 12 about sex?

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Okay, this is one is definitely a personal rant. A two-fer event!

Some in the Toronto queer community have been bemoaning the loss of the Church Street Fetish Fair. The annual event closed down the fabled gay way for a day in the summer every year. I liked the idea, I liked the premise, I love street fairs.

But the Church Street Fetish Fair sucked.

Having fetish out on the street is cool, for sure. Having the opportunity to shop and buy new sexy products was awesome. But I went to this event a few times, and every time I was there you could roll a whole bunch of ball gags down the middle of the street and barely hit a flogger.

There is a greater debate raging with the about the fair. Seems the Church Wellesley BIA, the body that has put the fair on, tried to make the event more “family-friendly” or “inclusive” last year to try and attract more people to Church Street. The BIA brought in street games such as a bouncy castle.

Now, that part may have been a bad move, but I honestly cannot see how anyone would ever consider this event as a true success. In all the years I attended, I saw a vast and empty street. While Toronto has a strong fetish community, I don’t think as many people are as eager to be out in the street with it. Sure, some are and they were there in all their leather glory.

But to claim that shutting down this event is “desexifying” Church Street is ludicrous. Church Street continues to be a mecca of sexuality in this city that still has some very conservative neighbourhoods and values. At the same time, the face of Church Street is changing. There are families in the Village. There are non-queer folks living there. Not all businesses that are part of BIA are specifically queer or sex focused. And the strong fetish community also isn’t entirely queer focused.

So, let’s recap. The neighbourhood is changing. Fetish is spread far and wide and has never fully supported the event.

Why is anyone bitching that this thing was cancelled?

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Soon to be seen on the streets of Toronto?

Change is afoot in Ontario. Well, it might be a foot, or feet or ass or missionary or doggie or whatever whets your appetite. With recent court decisions set to pave the way for legal brothels (hold your hoses, there’s a lot more legal bullshit to get through), one of the world’s most prominent purveyors of prostitution has indicated a potential interest in expanding to Toronto.

Dennis Hof, owner of the Bunny Ranch bordellos in Nevada plans to come to town in June to scout talent and locations. He’s looking for somewhere “downtown, with good parking and street exposure.” I’m sorry, I can’t report on what he’s looking for in terms of talent.

The alarms lights have gone up again with this news. City Councillor Josh Matlow won’t support a brothel in town claiming it’ll affect the city’s reputation as family-friendly.

Yup, legalized sex work is going to completely overshadow the Royal Ontario Museum, the Art Gallery of Ontario, the Science Centre, the Toronto Zoo, Centreville, the Sprockets Film Festival, the Church Street Fetish Fair…wait…oops.

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Finally, here in Toronto we have a few small petting zoos/farms that are under considerable financial strain. The city is threatening to pull the plug on the Riverdale Farm, the High Park Zoo and the Far Enough Farm. Community efforts are underway to fund all three, but there might be a significant heavy petter ready to help.

Noel Biderman, CEO of Ashley Madison, has offered to foot the bill for these facilities—if the company can reserve naming rights to them.

Haven’t heard of Ashley Madison? Oh, well, maybe that’s because you haven’t considered cheating on your partner. That’s right, Ashley Madison is a website that helps people find the right hookups to be unfaithful.

While I personally find deceit in relationships to be abhorrent, Biderman might be on to something here. But he’s got it all wrong with the naming rights. He should be asking to erect yurts or small cabins onsite to give his customers a place to fuck around while the kids enjoy an enriching experience with the animals. The critters would then have nice shelters to spend nights in. Hell, if you’re going to act like a dirty animal, might as well fuck like one.

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