SAM SHARPE

A female friend of mine called to tell me a story. Apparently she made the acquaintance of a young man we’ll call Bobby. Bobby was cute she said. Charming even. Bobby was polite, spoke respectfully she said. She was thinking about giving up the goods she said. And then she ran into him at the convenience store near her house. They talked and laughed as they exited the store she said. Bobby flirted playfully the way he always did she said. And then he took out his iPhone and showed her a photo of his c^ck.

Bobby will not be seeing her naked she said. Never. Ever. Ever.

Questions for the fellas: When in the name of Matthew Wiener did it become standard operating procedure to flash c^ck shots to unsuspecting women? Is this some sort of digital foreplay? Is it a wham-bam thank you mam cyber sex deal for the digital age? And what, is it also standard operating procedure to have pics of your schlong in your photo album beside candid photos from Thanksgiving and Christmas? Is this the 2012 version of “what’s your name and your sign?” Is this the millenial version of liking walks on the beach?

Now, I’m no prude. I don’t think there is anything wrong with taking or possessing genital glamour shots but I do believe distribution of said images should be done judiciously. Alas, I’m likely behind the curve on this one. I fully expect that 10 years from now dick pics will be like friendship bracelets.

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A few days ago, as I exited the subway station, I spied a lovely woman standing on the street in a pair of skin-tight designer denim. I’m guessing this lovely lady was 40 or so; she reminded me a little of Anita Baker (shout out to my 80s crew!). Her deep brown complexion sparkled in the sun as did her eyes when she laughed–whichever dude, and I just assumed it was a dude, has the privilege of telling her jokes is a lucky fella.

Now, though her complexion and smile were beguiling they sure as hell aren’t why I’m telling this story. No, we’re here because of her ass-ets. This lady’s buttocks were so round and shapely I would have believed it if someone told me she smuggles breadfruit in her pants. It was almost a cartoon, a caricature.

Right about now you’re wondering what the hell this has to do with sex and technology. Well, let me tell you. When I first spotted this most shapely of bums my first thought was to take a snapshot with my iPhone. I didn’t. But I really, really thought about it. In fact, I agonized about it as I walked away.

I think this says something. I’m not exactly sure what–other than I’m a pervert–but it says something. Think about it. 10 years ago, if I had the same experience my only recourse would have been to commit it to my memory and perhaps share the details with my friends. Now? I can take a picture, save it to my hard drive beside my Christmas pics and show it to my friends over drinks. Weird

Again, I don’t know what this all means. But ladies, be prepared for receiving and or seeing a lot more tele-photo c^ck. It’s a brave new world. Don’t say you haven’t been warned.