May 31, 2012
ELIZABETH ROSE, SAM SHARPE, and SKYE BLUE
Okay folks. Back in October 2010 we covered a month long drought that ended with this post. A post that was in honour of happy endings….
Why? Because happy is exactly what you should be feeling at the end of a long drought, voluntary or otherwise should be, right? Well, tonight we’re hitting you with a PSA. A list of our top tips to keep you from appearing too keen, too eager or just plain desperate when you finally decide to let someone hit it. Yes, we’ve got advice for ladies and gents alike. So to avoid embarrassment and any awkward moments, before you start shucking your undergarments to bare the crown jewels or the cookie in order to get out of the no sex zone, make sure you read the following…
Dress For Sex-cess
If you have any body confidence nerves, be canny and get some confidence boosting lingerie or a little pampering at a spa to set you up for your late night treat. (And if you haven’t got money to burn on fripperies because you spent your last penny on sex toys, then even a bit of me time devoted to preening and relaxing will help.)
And while we’re on the topic of dressing for sex-cess, although it may be pragmatic under the circumstances – do not wear a freak’um dress with no bra or panties. We’re all for being clear about your intentions, but that may be sending too loud a message. Besides you may need something to stop your nipples from tearing through the fabric of your dress and sop up the moisture between your legs. Just sayin’.
As much as you may want a ‘knock-it-right-out-of-the-park’ experience after the end of a long run of sexless-ness, don’t have every last one of the aforementioned sex toys charging on your night stand when your lover arrives. Furthermore, though we’re all for safe sex showing up at his with a year’s supply of condoms in your purse may be a bit much.
Use Discretion With Disclosure
DO NOT go on ad nauseum about how long it’s been since someone “tapped your ass” before the action starts. That means mentioning things like the ‘coochy cobwebs’ or the tumbleweeds blowin’ through the barren waste land that your vajayjay has been for the last however long is absolutely out of the question.
That said, revealing your status to your future bedmate in a more ‘discreet’ way, like publishing your recent celibacy on the world wide web is a definite DO. It’s an effective way to let all would be suitors know about your sordid past and recent rest period, thereby removing any pressure you may feel to either hide or reveal. (Elizabeth Rose, Skye Blue and the lovely Something She Dated can all vouch for this approach.)
Appropriate Eye Contact
Go ahead. Give your bed mate an appreciative lingering glance as he/she undresses. However, an open mouthed stare that goes on so long a puddle of drool starts to form on the bed sheets is a real bad look. In fact, it may halt the proceedings before they really get started. After all, nobody wants to lie on a wet spot.
Now we’ve said before that many of us girls need to up our enthusiasm, so we don’t go out like