June 12, 2012

SAM SHARPE

**Last week I told you what men want. This week I share an anecdote to support my point. Cheers.**

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We could see it coming from a mile away. We saw it before he saw it. In fact, my crew and I knew within a few weeks of Charles’ first date with B. that they were in it for the long haul, that they were heading to the altar.

It wasn’t because Charles made any grand pronouncements of love and devotion nor was it because he stopped returning our calls and spent all of his free time with her. No, we knew the gig was up, and by gig I mean the unfettered bacchanalia that was Charles’ bachelorhood, when we crashed at his place after a long night of partying.

See, usually Charles’ cupboards were bare and if we wanted to satisfy any late night food cravings we’d have to order in or pick up food. But on this particular night, when we were about to call up one of our usual spots to get some eats, Charles pretty much said, “Nah, I got this” and proceeded to whip up a tasty nacho platter with corn and peppers and onions and cheese.

Not only that, but his fridge was well stocked with beverages: juices, sodas, beer. He even had dessert items. It was like an episode of the Twilight Zone or Star Trek or something. I half expected William Shatner to come through the window. But we knew the truth; there wasn’t anything funny going on, Charles wasn’t possessed by demons, a wizard wasn’t hiding behind a curtain. Nope. Charles found B. And B. improved the quality of his life. And ours too actually.

I don’t think B. consciously set out to improve the quality of Charles’ life. I doubt she had a checklist of things to do or felt she had to do in order to keep her man. I doubt B. had a plan of attack per se; I think she just did what came naturally and in her case that was whipping up tasty meals for her man and by example helping him step up his own domestic game.

Now, it’s important to add that I’m not talking about a woman trying to run someone’s life or a woman knowing better than her man, though that can sometimes be the case. What I’m talking about is the fine line between “my man is a dud and I need to change him” and “my man doesn’t know/isn’t interested/hasn’t been doing x, let me share with him the things I know”. The former is a matter of control. The latter is a matter of cooperation. Control is for the insecure. Cooperation builds strong relationships. Learn the difference. Act accordingly.

In a similar vein, check out the following video wherein a young woman seeks advice on how to get her boyfriend to dress better. I think some of the underlying messaging of this clip jives with the thrust of my argument.

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