July 12, 2012
**In case you haven’t already heard our first book, Asses to Asses, Bust to Bust, is now available as an e-book or in print. For further details, including the various ways you can get your hands on a copy or two of your very own, click here.**
I’ve pulled another blast from our past, an oldie but a goodie that will help those of you who may still not get it, avoid coming across as a creep…
Thus far this week Elizabeth touched on fear and dating, Skye shared a story about stupid stalker shit, and then Sam penned a piece that highlighted the fact that: 1) men are taught early that if you snooze you lose, when it comes to getting female attention, and 2) there two sides to every story. So, suffice it to say, this is a complex issue, with some serious gray areas.
With that in mind, tonight what we’re going to do is share two lists (one from the ladies and the other from the lone man here at MetAnotherFrog.com) of common things men do when they first approach a woman that just might make her think he’s creepy.
First up, the list from the ladies, compiled after surveying more than a few of our girlfriends…
Staring, Staring and then Staring Some More. Every one of the women we spoke with listed aggressive and unwanted staring, from across a room or as close by as a foot away, as the number one thing that really creeped them out. So here’s a clue boys, if she’ avoiding eye contact and reaching for a jacket to cover herself – in addition to not feelin’ you – she’s probably more than a bit intimidated by your lusty looks.
Following Her as She Attempts to Walk Away. Now this one should be a no brainer. If a woman you approach keeps walking, claiming she’s too busy to chat because she has to get somewhere, there’s a good chance she’s not interested. So, falling into stride with her to keep her engaged in conversation, especially if she is giving you one word answers, telling you she’s really got to go or once again avoiding eye contact, is a move that will plant you firmly in the pushy, creepy guy camp every time.
Hovering Around Her. Okay, we understand that some women are so hot, you men can’t help but think you got to have them. That said, after trying to get her to notice you and being ignored or simply not making it onto her radar at all do not, we repeat DO NOT even think about HOVERING. We could explain this one, but our girl Helene did such a fantastic job here, we’re not going to bother.
Pulling Her Away From Her Friends. Now boys, when we say pulling here we mean it in its most literal sense, as in grabbing a girl by the hand or hair (yes, we’ve seen it done) as she’s passing by with her friends to get her to stop. This one is an EPIC FAIL. If the woman in question didn’t bother to slow down and give you smile as she passed, trying to get her attention by putting your hands on her is going to be completely unwelcome. Please note: ‘unwelcome’ is our euphemism for freak her the fuck out.
Forcing Drinks on Her. Guy sees girl he likes at a bar. Guy watches girl, who has yet to notice him, and see’s that she’s drinking ________(insert the name of a cute girlie drink here). Being a good dude, guy heads to bar to buy the girl her drink of choice, hoping to impress her. Guy then approaches girl, who is now noticing him for the first time and offers her drink. Girl hesitantly takes drink and places it on bar/table beside her. Guy starts chatting up girl and after a few minutes notices she isn’t drinking the drink her bought her – even though her first drink is done. Guy questions girl. Girl giggles and looks nervously at her friend. Friend says ‘Excuse us’ and then drags girl way, onto the dance floor. Annoyed guy remains at bar, watching them dance. Eventually guy picks up the still untouched drink and marches onto crowded dance floor to hand it to her. We could go on, but you get the point. In the age of ruffies and other date rape drugs, strange dudes (even hot ones) trying to force drinks on a woman = creepy.
Over The Top Persistence. Yes, persistence is generally a good thing. But when a woman you approach says, ‘Thanks, but NO thanks’ proceeding to tell her she’s “playing hard to get” and continuing to try to get her to talk to you – even when it’s clear she’s trying to avoid you – is a whole lot much. Take heed gentlemen: If your motto is ‘wear her down by keeping the pressure until she gives in and goes out with you’, you just might be a creep.
Inviting Her Back To Your Place. Now we accept that this one actually works with a girl who’s really into you or with the inebriated honey you just finished grinding with on the dance floor. However, the sober woman heading to the subway on a weekday afternoon – you know the one who gives you a screw face as you start spittin’ game – is definitely going to think you’re a creep if you invite her back to yours after five (or less) minutes of you forcing her into a conversation she didn’t want to have. Just sayin’.
Really Weird Comments. We get it. Approaching women can be nerve-wracking for any dude. Even so, when you muster up the courage to step to a woman be sure to min’ your mouth. Upon noticing that she may be a bit taken aback by your attempts to get her attention, saying anything akin to:
“Don’t worry, I’m not trying to kidnap you.”
(even if you follow it up with a laugh), is probably going to have her making it a run for it – especially if she’s sure she’s more than an arm’s length away from you.
Getting All Touchy-Feely. Again, a girl who’s into you may love the fact that you touch her ass, back, waist, breast or whatever when you first approach. But when in doubt NEVER touch the merchandise of the girl you’ve just rolled up on. This of course means that groping each and every one of the girls leaving the bathroom at the club, particularly the ones who looked at you and cringed, is ill-advised.
Cyberstalking of Any Kind. We think this one is self-explanatory, but just in case we’re going to go ahead and say this. Being ‘really good friends’ with a woman you’ve never met IRL on FB, Twitter, FourSquare or whatever social media site you frequent, does not give you license to use the information you find there to show up at places she is or plans to be. Nuff said (we hope).
Declaring Your Undying Love. Now we’ll admit it. This one might’ve been cute in high school, when most of us girls were steady flipping through the pages of Danielle Steele novels, and wishing that our favourite boy bands were singing songs about us. But dropping lines like “I know I could love you better than any other man could”, after only three minutes of conversing with her is a bad look. For. Real.
Attempting to Break Into Her Bedroom. Yep, you read that right. And before we go any further, we’ll acknowledge that this point has no business being on this list. But how could we resist the insanity of this story (that actually happened to a woman we know)? Here’s the deal…
Day 1: Man approaches girl (and at the time she was all of 16, quite literally a girl) at the mall and she tells him she’s not interested.
Day 2: Man approaches her after her soccer match at a tournament, with a ‘Hey, don’t I know you?’ and she rebuffs him again.
Day 3 (in the wee hours of the morning directly following Day 2): Girl is roused from sleep by loud crashing sound outside her bedroom window, quickly turns on bedroom light and then sits in her bed shuddering as she listens to someone running away. After less than 48 hours of investigating the incident, man is picked up by the police. When asked why he did it – you’re so not going to believe this one – he said “I just really wanted to talk to her alone.” Riiiight.
ER & SB
Now a word from The F’in Man…
Dating is hard. To quote Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five “It’s like a jungle out there sometimes I wonder how I keep from going under”. That’s why we men employ tactics that aren’t always appropriate. Well, that’s one reason. Another reason: they work. I hate to say it, but there are some women out there who respond favourably to all types of ignorant shit. That minority makes it hard for the rest of you ladies because it encourages some men to continue employing these tactics. I for one know that I’ve done my share of eyeballing and catcalling. However, there should come a point in every man’s life when he realizes that this kind of behaviour just isn’t civilized or gentlemanly.
To the members of my species who still haven’t evolved or just don’t know better, I urge you to keep the following things in mind:
No Pet Names Please. I don’t care how good she looks in those pum pum shorts, I don’t care if she’s displaying her breasts like pastries in a bakery window, I don’t care if she “looks like she wants it”, you don’t know her. So keep the “baby loves”, “sweetness’”, “honey’s”, “sugar dumplin’s” and “girlfriends” to yourself. What was that you say? She looks so good; you’ve just got to do something about it. Well, do what I do. Get on your cell phone, call up your bredren and tell him all about the “hot likkle sumting” that just passed by.
Hands off. Gentlemen, when did it become appropriate to put your hands on a woman you don’t know? Who decided that grabbing arms, hair and moving in for a hug was okay? Seriously, this seems like such an obvious violation that I can’t believe I’m actually even thinking about this issue, much less typing these words. Think about it this way guys, would you want a stranger putting his hands on your mother/daughter/sister/girlfriend/wife? Je pense pas. Keep your grubby hands in your pockets.
Watch your mouth. Okay, let’s assume that you’re just going to ignore the previous two points. Let’s pretend you’re going to go ahead and continue to accost women at every turn. Do me a favour, at least take no for an answer. If she ignores you and keeps walking, if she tells you she’s not interested, if she says “thank you, I’m flattered, but I’m not interested” don’t call her bitch, whore, skettel, slut, or any other filthy term used by men who don’t respect women.