July 13, 2012

MS. BLUE

**In case you haven’t already heard our first book, Asses to Asses, Bust to Bust, is now available as an e-book or in print. For further details, including the various ways you can get your hands on a copy or two of your very own, click here.**

So there I was in the lunchroom at my workplace, rummaging in my bag for my copy of Fifty Shades of Grey, which I had agreed to lend my girl Sasha. No sooner had I placed it in Sasha’s hand, when Dalia, another member of our work crew walked in. She peeped the title of the book as Sasha slid by her on her way out, and a wide eyed look of excitement transformed her face as she turned towards me.

“OMG. I’ve heard that book is sooooo good. All my girlfriends who’ve read it tell me it’s totally improved their sex lives. Apparently, they’re all at it like horny teenagers again. Hoping I’ll get some tips when I finally get around to reading it. You read it, right? Did it work for you too?”

A Not So Quick Aside: Now, before I go ahead and tell you what happened next,  in an effort to be totally transparent about my bias, I need to let you all know that I read, or more correctly skimmed (because my upper limit for reading lines like “Ha! My inner goddess is thrilled. I can do this. I can fuck him with my mouth” was reached very early in the game) the Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy just so I could understand what the hype was about.  And speaking of hype…

Did the books make for an entertaining and more often than not fantastical (for a funny review that explains what I mean by this click here) reading? Yes.

Did they turn my crank? Sure, though definitely not as much as or as often as I thought a series of books that feature a sex scene every few pages would.

Would I recommend you buy them to add to your collection? Hell no! Don’t waste your hard earned money; if you really want to read them borrow your girlfriend’s copy or in a pinch the library. (FYI: From what I’ve heard the library copies of these books can’t stay on the shelves. Here in Toronto, the 200 or so copies of the first book in the series that are owned by our local libraries have a combined wait list of over 2 000 people!)

And most importantly, will reading the books improve your sex life? Well…maybe if you’ve never put any energy or thought into figuring out what you want, need or desire sexually. (I have sneaking suspicion that I just described most of the women who by choice or circumstance fall into that camp and absolutely LOVE the books); as articles like this suggest.

Okay, back to my chat with Dalia in the lunchroom…

“Well to be honest, I struggled to finish them and as erotica goes it was just m’eh. So, I don’t think it ‘worked’ for me, for sure not in the way you mean.”

Dalia looked stunned. “No way, everybody I know loved it. You’re the first person I know whose said anything negative about it. I was going to ask you if I could borrow your copy after Sasha finished with it…I can’t believe you didn’t like it. And it really didn’t improve things in the bedroom for you either?”

“What can I say? Romance novels featuring virgins learning to get there swerve on aren’t for me. But if you’re looking for a good read to spice up your naked time, I have all kinds of erotica I can lend you. Female submission or domination, group stuff, bondage, whatever. Just tell me what you think you’ll like and I’ll bring you a book tomorrow.”

People, particularly you erotica aficionados and writers, I can’t tell you how confused I was by what she said next…

“Come on, Skye. There’s NO WAY any of the other books you have are possibly as good as Fifty Shades? I mean, how can you be sure that other stuff will actually help me out in the bedroom?…”

And that’s when my brain and I exited the conversation. As Dalia kept talking her mess about the impossibility of any book but Fifty having the power to bring her sex life to new heights, all I could think is “Wow. There are people – some of whom I actually know, FML  – who  believe that  the very badly written Fifty Shades of Grey, is the one and only panacea for a bedroom slump. WTF?” Needless to say it took me a while to respond, but I somehow managed to hit her with a slightly rantier version of this:

“Dalia, in the wise words of many a new age self help sage: Energy grows where attention flows.So, anything , and I mean anything, that gets you thinking about sex in a new and positive way – be it a picture, some good ol’ fashioned porn, some 3D hentai anime, or some hot and hopefully well written erotica – will go a long way to upping your enthusiasm in the bedroom. Trust me, Fifty Shades, as popular and seemingly life changing as it may be is not the be all and end all of erotic fiction or improving your sex life.”

What happened after that? After stepping down from my soapbox, I eventually twisted Dalia’s arm into borrowing another one of my books (specifically She’s On Top), and just two weeks later she was back with a smile on her face. You see, in addition to the fact that (much to her surprise) she was thoroughly enjoying reading about dominant femmes, her suddenly very happy BF was loving the change in her attitude in the bedroom. Suddenly, after years of being a starfish pretty ‘n’ passive princess, she was taking charge. Initiating sex even – all without any ‘tips’ from Fifty.

OMG. Who woulda thunk?

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