August 3, 2012

MS. BLUE

Those of you who’ve been paying attention already know that over the last month the three of us have been on vacation. Ms. Rose decided to dodge the mayhem of the London Olympics by heading into the wilds for some camping with her Handyman, while me, Sam and a two of our best buds headed to Jamaica.

Now ladies, if you’ve ever been to Jamaica you’ll likely know that it’s a great place to get your groove back. You see, in addition to the beautiful beaches, sunny skies and fantasic food, the island is full of a whole lot of men ready and waiting to shower the female tourists who hit the island for some R ‘n’ R, with a whole lot of A ‘n’ A: attention (in the form of wild flirtation) and affection (mainly the horizontal kind). In fact, based on what I saw on the many beaches I traipsed across during my two week stay in the country, I’d say all the A ‘n’ A on offer is a big part of the reason why JA is so popular with ladies from all across the globe.

Although I’m going to keep you all guessing as to whether or not I got up close and real ‘affectionate’ with a local while I was away (because a girl has gotta have some secrets, right?), I will tell you that virtually everywhere I went, there were men trying to flirt with me. On the beach, in restaurants, or walking down the streets with my crew, all sorts of dudes were trying to talk to me. It was nuts. I got so much attention at times it was overwhelming, and one day, after what must’ve been the tenth man in about 90 minutes (and no, I’m not exaggerating) approached me, I remember thinking to myself “If this is the kind of onslaught über hot girl’s get back home, I’ll happily keep cruising in the not so hot lane.” Also, as much as I feel myself sometimes, despite all the attention I received from Jamaican men – many of whom were top grade eye candy – I knew well enough not to think that a four hour plane ride had transformed me into some sort of irresistible sex goddess. A point that brings me to my PSA for today.

Ladies, I want you all to go out and slut it up if you want to live. Travel wherever you want to and do whom or whatever you want to while you’re away. Go ahead and revel in the feeling of being adored by a magically delicious local. Let all the attention you receive fill you up with confidence till your cup runneth over. Partake in the ‘affections’ of a man (or five) if that’s what tickles your fancy. Indulge in as much vacation action as you can handle. But for the love of all things rational…

Don’t drink your own koolaid.

Instead acknowledge (if only to yourself) that there’s a really good chance that the local man or men who worked so hard to get next to you were as attracted to your foreign-ness and the very foreign dollars in your pocket* – particularly if you’ve had your more carnal desires sated in a country where the cost of your new Nike’s is more than the average worker makes in a week – as they were to your ever so cute smile or behind. And puh-leeeease (I’m begging here) spare the rest of the people fighting their way through customs and the officer whose face turns beet red after stumbling upon the bag of sex toys you packed to enhance your adventures any loud commentary (in a feigned local accent no less – FML) like this…

“I love __________ (insert nationality of people of the country you are visiting here) men, because they love me, and ALL the _________ (insert pejorative adjective here) men in ___________(insert the name of your home country here), are too ____________ (insert another pejorative adjective referring to the men where you live here and make sure it’s even more insulting than the first one!) to see just how _____________(insert an extremely complimentary adjective about your physical attributes here) I am!!”

Thanks.

–

*For the record I am not blaming them, because everybody’s got to eat.

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