Now, for those of you not acquainted with Ms. Tom and her eponymous program Kiana’s Flex Appeal (KFA), let me break it down for you: KFA was ostensibly a show about fitness, replete with exercises, diet recommendations and fit bodies but it really was about sex appeal, particularly Ms. Tom’s sex appeal.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure the work-out tips were valuable but my friends and I didn’t tune in en-mass to learn about biceps curls. No, we tuned in to watch Kiana and her cohorts (but especially Kiana) bench press and squat and lunge and bend over and exhale oh so gently. Not to mention the ongoing debates about the “naturalness” or “fake-ness” of her bosom.
We developed quite a thing for Kiana and KFA. We bought fitness magazines with her on the cover. Worked out. Drank protein shakes. Bought bodybuilder pants*. Learned the difference between pull-up and chin-up. Began using terms like adductor and abductor. And I’m fairly certain she featured in one or seven fantasies. There were lots of ahh, uhm, pulled muscles. Yeah. Pulled muscles. Though we were disappointed to find out that women don’t actually wear bikini’s to the gym. Who knew?
All of these memories came rushing back in the wake of recent conversations with former schoolmates. We laughed about the ridiculousness of our school years and the ridiculousness of KFA. And the ridiculousness of our raging hormones. And we couldn’t help but think today’s young man is missing out because KFA is no longer on the air**. Then again, they’ve got the Internet. I’m going to call it even.
Anyway, for years of unwitting yet consistent service to my raging libido, I, Sam Sharpe, enshrine Kiana Tom and Kiana’s Flex Appeal into my Lust Hall Of Fame.
*For the record, that was a joke. I’ve never actually worn or owned a pair of bodybuilder pants.