September 6, 2012

SAM SHARPE

Dick. Penis. Buddy. Wood. Jimmy. Peter. Johnson. Schlong. Yeah, we’re not afraid of talking about genitals in these parts. In fact, in the early days of MetAnotherFrog.com, Elizabeth Rose, Skye and I thrilled to the fact that in our tag cloud COCK was much larger than less prurient terms like relationship or love. I think part of the thrill was our recognition that the average Joanne is a little more dick averse than we are; at least when it comes to discussing dicks.

Now, I can’t speak for my two partners in crime but I know my dick-ease is partially due to my dick-possession. My penis is just another body part to me; not any different from a hand or foot or head or arm or leg or elbow. Though I must confess that I prefer using the terms cock or dick; penis seems too clinical to me and though I just finished talking about my unit as being just another body part the truth is my relationship to my johnson is much more than clinical. Not to mention that the term penis sounds diminutive in my ears. And though I’m not preoccupied with the size of my dick, at least not in any way that leads to madness like penile enlargement surgery, referring to my manhood as a penis is to my ears roughly equivalent to calling it my boyhood. Or calling an Andrew…ah…Andy. Or Micky for Michael. Or Petey for Peter (although Jimmy doesn’t bother me in the least).

Anyway, my penis has been on my mind lately, or should I say on my mind more than normal lately. A couple weeks back Skye and I were discussing men’s obsession with their penises. Skye asked if I would ever consider getting a little work done “down there”. I said no, but I did mention that I felt most men, no matter how big their penis, would add a little more length and/or width to their sh** if they could do it painlessly or effortlessly. Now, I have no proof of that but it’s just an educated guess.

Then, I was listening to some sex related podcast that discussed the impact of aging on male genitalia when it was mentioned that as men age their testicles get all wrinkly and they lose a little length on the ol’ erection. Now, I’d heard those nuggets before and I’m not ignorant of the vagaries of the aging process but something about listening to that conversation almost made me misty eyed thinking about my package.

Like, just how shriveled will my boys get? And, is there a treatment? Oil of Olay? Cocoa Butter? Shea Butter? And really, the idea of losing a little, ahem, distance on my driver, a little mileage on my fastball if you will, makes me surer that most dudes would add a little length and strength if it were sold in bulk at Costco.

And then there’s Jonah Falcon. If you’re not familiar with Mr. Falcon, he’s reputedly the “Man With The World’s Largest Penis” (and recently claimed to have had troubles clearing customs at the airport. I know how he feels. As a black man who travels I get stopped all the time. Though not necessarily for the same reason). Now, outside of the comedic value of his narrative I couldn’t give a flying f*** about Mr. Falcon except for this simple fact; he makes people nervous.

Don’t believe me. Go ahead, bring up his story around friends and see how twitchy some men get and how giggly or wide eyed some women become. This only makes some of the men twitchier. I’m not exactly sure why this subject elicits such sophomoric responses from people, but I’ve just got to believe that if people talked more openly about it and demystified the whole subject then talking penises wouldn’t be such a big deal. But then maybe it wouldn’t be that amusing to Elizabeth Rose, Skye and I that our COCK tag cloud is so big.

Anyway, check out the following video. Fast forward to the minute mark in the clip and watch four fully grown people avoid saying the word penis.

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