June 21, 2013
As many of you know, when it comes to the dating and mating game, I am a woman who can camel it up, aka hide in the bushes for looooooooong stretches of time. Usually, I’m able to pull myself out of such ruts, simply because there’s only so much of wheezing from her nether regions a girl can take (apparently my coochie is allergic to cobwebs and tumbleweeds). But there are times, when I get just a little too comfortable with playing with my Hitachi living life solo, and I need a bit of help getting back into the game.
Generally help comes in the form of bitch slapping reality checks from Sam and my home girl Mica. But this go round it seems the universe sent in the cavalry and the stars aligned because (without getting into the who’s, the what’s and the wherefore’s) I busted through my man-free & sexless in the city rut in grand style. So…
For today’s post I’d share some of my sex rut resolving tips, along with a few highlights of my dating experiences over the last few weeks. Here we go…
Shake up your social circle: New people can bring fresh new perspectives to the seeking singleton.
Without Sam, Mica and the fab Ms. M this would be me.
In my case, although Sam and Mica are top notch at pulling me up by my very dickless boot straps, the infusion of some new and particularly slutty blood into my inner circle helped me to no end. My newest BFF and fave dirty girl is a woman I’ll call Ms. M. Spending time with her as she regales me with tales of her take no prisoners and glorious sex life, always reminds me of just how much fun adult playtime can be. Especially when you are lucky enough to play with people who will indulge your fantasies.
Tell the world – or maybe just the internet – what you want: As the very wise Mr. Bill Cosby once said, ‘Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it.’ Besides if you never try, you’re bound to fail.
With all of the above in mind, and a little encouragement for the magnificent Ms M I finally got off my ass and put up a profile on two sites. On the naughtier of the two, I listed every thing my heart desires…sexually, of course. For my profile on the other, I put my winning personality – read as wisecrackin’ funny bone – front and centre. Then I sat back to wait. And because internet is nothing if not magical, messages from potential bedmates/suitors started appearing in my inbox in short order.
Count (and set up dates to meet) your blessings: This one here I can’t stress enough. Do not. I repeat DO NOT wait forever to meet your online prospects. Go with the flow and the momentum. After all, zero chemistry kills…especially if you drag that shit out for weeks.
Within 48 hours of posting my profiles, I had sifted through my bevy of prospects, set a date with one very hot man willing to indulge me (and himself) in the boudoir, and scheduled coffee dates with three sweet, funny and adorable men. (Can somebody remind why I’ve been hiding in the bushes for so long??? SMH.)
Enjoy the fruits of your labour – Parts 1 & 2: Savour. Indulge. Revel. Repeat.
I think my 'I'm back in the game' induced high is a little disconcerting for some people.
As much as I like to overshare, all I’m going to tell you about my time with the aforementioned man willing to indulge me in the bedroom is…
It. Was. AMAZE-BALLS.
Sexy, crazy and so much FUN. There really are no words. Just rest assured I went for mine like nobody’s business. Everybody, and I mean everybody, should do what they need to live out their hottest fantasy (assuming it involves consenting adults, but that’s a given no?). Take it from me, the woman who’s been floating around town like a dude in a Viagra commercial for weeks now, you need to get ‘er done!
After wowing and being wowed by one of three men I chose to meet for coffee, I’ve narrowed the roster down to one. A man I’ll call The Yogi. He’s delightfully charming and he laughs at all my jokes. I mean, what more could a girl ask for? Thus far we’ve had a few dates and I’m having a lot of fun. With any luck this one will stick. I promise to keep y’all posted.
The moral of this story?
Life is too short and there is a lot of fun to be had connecting with others for good conversation, dates, or even just one very hot roll in the hay. So, my message for those of you out there, who like me, are more often than not ‘taking a break for some quality me time’, lamenting the fact that ‘it’s soooooo hard to meet people’, or living with chronic coochie wheezing (or a similar and equally horrifying condition) is this…
Drop the excuses, step away from the bush/rock/large inanimate object you’re hiding behind, and get out there & live…NOW!