February 14, 2014
It’s Valentine’s Day and I could’ve written a post about the wonders of love, romance, and rainbows, but I decided against that. Since there’ll be a ton of sex bloggers celebrating this glorious(?) occasion, and we’ve already offered up the gift of yet another episode of our naughty little podcast Sex With The Lights On, I’m going to focus on something I’ve been pondering for the last few weeks. Specifically, the subject of men, women and two of the many double standards people who choose to date paramours of the opposite sex run up against in the dating and mating scene. Of course, now you all are probably sitting there asking yourselves “Skye, why the hell have you been thinking about all that?” Well, here’s my loooooong answer…
As of late, I’ve heard some stories from men – particularly fetching men – about the antics that women are getting up to that made me scratch my head in disbelief. I say disbelief, because if the roles of the males and females in the stories to follow were reversed, I think most people (especially women) would be quickly label the aggressor in each tale “stalker” or “psycho,” before advising the victim (for lack of a better word) in the narratives to have the cops on speed dial. But since the individuals in hot pursuit of an even hotter lay in the anecdotes I’m about to share are women, and the objects of desire are men, behaviour that would be deemed anything from a bit creepy to downright frightening in men, is shrugged off like it’s nothing. Just keep reading and you’ll see what I mean…
Pushy is NEVER Sexy
So this rather handsome guy I know works in security at an airport, a place teeming with women, of the stewardess and traveler variety. According to all reports not a day goes by when he is not approached by women who brazenly proposition him, as they stuff their biz cards and/or numbers scrawled on the back of discarded boarding passes into his hands. One such woman, an adorable (and apparently perpetually horny) stewardess has done this at least half a dozen times over the last two months, despite the fact that he has never made any attempt to contact her and now goes out of his way to avoid her – when he’s lucky enough see her first.
Now, as much as most women will tell you they love a confident man, any guy who sees a woman he’s interested in and then quickly marches over to her to invite her into his bed, is not likely to receive a good response from the average woman in the street, bar or even a busy boarding gate waiting area. Such a man would be lucky to get away without being slapped, before or after being on the receiving end of a serious tongue-lashing. So, tell me folks, is our lovely stewardess’ behaviour any less creepy and/or crazy simply because she has two X chromosomes and he has one? I mean, what happens to all that talk about how off putting, buzz killing, or worse yet threatening being too aggressive and forward can be and feel, when the man of a woman’s most lust-fuelled dreams is in the vicinity of her throbbing nether regions?
Picture it. You’re a sexy and rather well built guy, who regularly goes to the gym. While there you generally mind your business, politely greeting the friendly staff and a few of the dudes who offer you to spot you when necessary, but otherwise staying focused on your grueling workout so you can get in and out of there fast.
One day, as you lift, push and grunt your way through a particularly grueling leg workout, you notice a woman staring at you, trailing you as you move around the gym. You acknowledge her with a nod, but continue on with your workout, non-pulsed by the attention even though she’s cute. Being the fabulously handsome guy that you are, you’re more than used to females getting a little bug eyed when they first see you.
But much to your surprise and chagrin, the next time you are in the gym she is there again, still staring as she trails behind you, all throughout your workout. This goes on for more than two weeks before she finally gets the ovaries to come up and talk to you.
“Hey, are you always here around this time?”
Like you don’t know that already. “Yeah,” you say, hoping to keep the conversation real short.
“Me too. Maybe we could workout together sometime? My name is Meg, by the way.” She offers you her hand.
Even if I didn’t think you were crazy, that would never happen. You shake her hand half-heartedly, “I’m ______, and I really prefer working out on my own, sorry.”
“Then maybe we could get a coffee after you’re finished some time?”
Quit while your ahead, already. “Nah, I don’t think my girlfriend would like that.”
She is silent for a few moment, seemingly shocked by the mention and possibility of a girlfriend. “No I guess she wouldn’t,” she finally says, and just stands there staring.
“Uh…” you say, sidestepping around her, “I’m going to get back to my workout.”
“Of course, sorry,” she calls over her shoulder, as scurries away to another part of the gym.
You get back to your workout, feeling relieved to have dodged that bullet, and over next few weeks when you do see her at the gym, she’s far away and appears not to be watching you – at least not constantly – anymore. So, when your phone rings one night, on your couch to watch some football, Meg and her lame attempts to get your attention are the last thing on your mind.
“Hi _____. Whatcha doing?”
“Watching football. Who is this?”
“It’s Meg…from the gym.”
WTF??? “Wait. How did you get my number?!?!”
She laughs and says, “Let’s just say I have friends in high places at the gym.”
“One of the staff at the gym gave you my number?…You know what, it doesn’t even matter. Like I told you before I have a girlfr—”
“I don’t care!” she shrieks, cutting you off. “Just go out with me once, please?!?!”
“Whatever, this conversation is over,” you tell her, and then hit the end button on your phone.
Unfortunately for you, despite that fact that you never answer the phone when you see her number (or other numbers you don’t recognize after you file a complaint about her about at the gym) and change your workout schedule to avoid seeing her, she keeps calling.
For FOUR MONTHS straight.
Which coincidentally is about the time one of your gym buddies tells you she’s started scoping out a guy who just joined the gym…of course.
Dear readers, can you imagine the type of panic that would ensue if a man did anything even remotely like this to a woman? The “friends in high places at the gym” would’ve have been written up or fired, the stalker’s gym membership would have been cancelled STAT, and the police may even have been called, all in an effort to protect the ‘stalkee.’
But based on the non-reaction the man in question got when he told the gym manager what was happening, it would seem stalking is a-ok as long as you have ovaries.
So what’s my point? Well, my PSA for today is this:
If we women want to be treated respectfully by the men who approach or are interested in us, we need to behave the same way when we approach them.
That isn’t too much to ask – especially on Valentine’s Day – is it?