March 20, 2014
A couple of weekends ago I was out and about with a group of friends I hadn’t seen in dog years. As is our wont, after pleasantries were exchanged, work and family updates given, the conversation turned to sex; more specifically to facials. And not the ones you get at the spa.
It became readily apparent that we’d all been in numerous situations where women asked or encouraged us to leave a deposit on their faces yet with one notable exception none of us had this occur within the confines of a committed relationship. This obviously begs the question; if we’ve all been asked to give facials, if we’ve all given facials, if we all enjoyed (for the most part) giving facials, then why do we stop being asked, giving and enjoying them once in a relationship?
This discussion lasted well into the night; one dude present was adamant that he wouldn’t give his wife a facial if she asked because he “respects her too much”, another dude was indifferent while the rest of us were somewhere between being open to it and desperately wanting it to happen again. The conversation reminded me of Diana*, a girl I dated briefly who out and out stated that “freaky shit”, define that how you will, was something she did when she was single and screwing around but that it was verboten within the confines of a relationship. “If I do that shit a man will think I’m a ho”, she claimed. I argued, somewhat self-servingly I suppose, that this sentiment was rubbish, that any man who judges a woman for what you both consent to do is a neanderthal (my friend included). Or a moron. Or crazy. Or all of the above.
Then again, I recently stumbled upon this piece wherein Armie Hammer, star of The Lone Ranger and other Hollywood crap that I have not and likely will not ever see, said this about sex to Playboy magazine:
“I liked the grabbing of the neck and the hair and all that,” Armie told the men’s magazine. “But then you get married and your sexual appetites change. And I mean that for the better — it’s not like I’m suffering in any way. But you can’t really pull your wife’s hair. It gets to a point where you say, ‘I respect you too much to do these things that I kind of want to do.’”
So this attitude, this belief, that there are certain sexual desires that if expressed represent some form of disrespect to your partner, is clearly a pretty mainstream one. I have to admit this confuses me. Do men like Armie Hammer, or my friend for that matter, really lose respect for women that indulge their men’s sexual desires?
Clearly the answer is yes. And clearly Diana had a point in placing such strictures on her sexual behaviour. It’s really sad though because Diana didn’t deny enjoying that “freaky shit” she just did not want to be judged. And if you read Mr. Hammer’s statement again, he doesn’t say I don’t want to do this anymore, instead he says I respect you too much to do these things that I kind of want to do.
But, what if his wife wants her hair to be pulled? What if she wants to be spanked? What if she wants a facial? Is Armie really going to deny his wife because he respects her too much? Or is he going to do it all and then respect her less? All I know is that if Armie Hammer really wants to pull on some hair, he’s going to find some hair to pull, be it his wife’s or someone else’s? Either that or he may very well live the life of the sexually constipated. And from what I can tell he won’t be alone.
*Names have been changed to avoid judgment and shaming. Not by me, or likely you dear readers, but by, y’now, judg-y types.