Hey CoCo,

Do you have any advice for a premature ejaculator? I’ve had this problem ever since I started having sex and it’s the most frustrating thing in the world. When I was young it didn’t matter so much because no one really knew what sex was supposed to be like anyway.  Later, I thought it was something I’d grow out of as I gained more experience. Now, I’m in my mid-twenties and I’ve become terrified of casual sex because I’ve received some pretty harsh judgements from women. When I date someone they usually try to be understanding but I can tell my lack of stamina – to say nothing of the self confidence issue – affects the relationship. I know that there are numbing creams available and all kinds of pills. I’m not sure where to start but, at this point, I’ll do just about anything to last longer. Help!

2 Pump Chump

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Hey 2PC,

I can see that things have been hard for you (couldn’t resist!), but it’s time for you to turn that frown upside down! There are many long-term and short-term solutions for shooting off early. My advice is to use the short-term methods in a pinch and to work on a more permanent solution to the issue over time. You should also take some time to think deeply about why this has been an issue for you. Sometimes premature ejaculation is related to intense anxiety. If your mental freakouts are what’s affecting your hard-on then try some meditative techniques like deep breathing and visualization. A few sessions with a sex therapist could be very helpful in giving you the confidence and practical advice that you need.

In the meantime, here are some things to try:

Orgasm at least once before sticking it in. This old trick can help take the edge off and allow you to settle in for a more leisurely experience. Whether it’s through masturbation, oral sex or a handjob, a little pre-intercourse squirt has helped many a man to please his lady.

Try the Start and Stop method. When you’re in the middle of fun times and you feel the gush coming on, STOP, pull out and take some deep breaths to calm down. Please your lady with your fingers and tongue until you’re ready for re-entry. This is an awesome short-term strategy that actually becomes a great long-term solution. Not only is at a fabulous way to better please a woman it will also help to train your mind and body over time. Highly recommended!

Get your muscles in gear. Most people think that Kegel exercises are only for women and even then, only for recovery from birthing. WRONG!!! Kegels are for everyone at all times. A toned pelvic floor will give you better ejaculation control. In fact, if you get strong enough you may even be able to orgasm without ejaculating at all. Yes, I’m talking about male, multiple orgasms. It’s real, son, and I’ve seen it happen. To get started with pelvic control, try stopping the flow of your urine mid-stream. This will get you familiar with the muscles you need to concentrate on. When you’ve got a sense of where to squeeze, start flexing several times a day. 100 -300 daily Kegels should start to make a noticeable difference within four to six weeks.

Use other methods to please a partner. If you still want to hit it and quit it with that cute girl from the club then take the stress off yourself and make the experience all about her. Get your oral and finger game tight and you will never hear another woman complain in your life. If she wants to give you a handjob or go down on you just make sure to take frequent breaks so you can go back to pleasing her. I guarantee she will be telling her friends about you in the morning.

Numbing Creams. These are not my favourite solution as they only offer a quick fix. Plus, who wants to be numb during sex?  Certainly not your partner. If you don’t use a condom with this stuff she’s likely to go numb inside her vagina and then you’ll just be two numbed out chumps who can’t get it done. Depending on the formula, the numb feeling should fade a little so that you can start to feel pleasure near the end but, let’s be real, putting benzocaine on your dick is not a long-term solution.

Pills. Most pills for early ejaculators mess with your serotonin levels and are similar to mild anti-depressants. You can talk to your doctor about getting a prescription but be forewarned that you may or may not like the results. For some people, these medications can also decrease their intensity of pleasure during sex. There are also pills that are available over-the-counter.  I’d still talk to a doctor before taking them. Stay away from “herbal” solutions on the internets. These usually don’t work and god only knows what’s in them.

So 2PC, I wish you all the best of luck in your journey to become of man of legendary stamina. It’s a noble quest and I sincerely hope that some of these ideas will work for you. Just please, please, please keep this one thing in mind: Sex is not all about intercourse. It’s awesome and fun but it’s only part of the story. When you have sex with ladies, what they really want is orgasm and most of time intercourse alone won’t do it. Women get judgemental when they are left feeling unsatisfied and the truth is that regardless of your ejaculation situation there is never reason to leave your lady wanting more. Get creative, learn some new skills and get out there. I have total confidence in you!

Love CoCo

Who’d have thought that two of the hottest celebrities could be porn stars? Once (and still more often than not) the butt of jokes, the dirty movie duo of James Deen and Stoya are media darlings. While James is the happy goofball who can also talk porn representation and analysis, Stoya, from this article, is wunderkind, the one who is truly changing the industry and the general public’s perception of it.

Take a read of Stoya’s blog. It is confident, charming, erudite and titillating. It is unique and refreshing. All too often the societal perception of porn stars, particularly female porn stars, is one of young, dumb and full of cum. Not Stoya. And not, I’m guessing, many other porn professionals, present and past.

Having the almighty internet has made all the difference here. Like so many other miscast peoples, adult stars can now express their true personalities online. They can also build their own identities and aren’t shackled by the roles they portray in films and how they look on DVD boxes. Being able to negotiate this personality let’s performers expand beyond porn (if they choose) and gives them more flexibility in other endeavours.

I wonder how porn would have turned out had the internet been around at the same time as the video boom of the 80s. Surely there were earlier versions of Stoya and James back then. Maybe the trend toward mainstream acceptance (which is still in its infancy now) would have started 30 years ago, and Stoya would be upholding a glorious tradition. I also wonder how many interesting and compelling voices were shut down by the stigma of being a porn star.

Instead of focussing on that, I’m going to look forward to those voices that will emerge because of porn.

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Iceland is a pretty small place. Island out in the ocean. Population of approximately 320,000. Not a whole lot of people coming and going. Pretty cool place with a rather raucous nightlife from what I hear.

But if you’re an Icelander, and you’re thinking about heading out on the town for a hookup or other such shenanigans, you might want to consider this app.

Since the Norse began populating the island in 874, the people have been genealogy-obsessed. The country has undertaken serious recording keeping of its people and their progeny. However, with a population base that is so small, there seems to be a running joke that you’re like to run into someone you’ve fucked at a family gathering somewhere down the road.

So to avoid that embarrassment, before you bump uglies, you should bump phones.

And how would that conversation go? Let’s say you’ve just hooked up on the dancefloor. You’re hot, you’re sweaty, hand and mouths are everywhere. You just want to get this person home as soon as possible! But first, hold on, let’s make sure we’re not related.

Kinda makes the condom conversation a whole lot less scary, eh? And you have to wonder how many married couples have now been surprised!

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Speaking of condoms, this article raises a very good point. Where is safer sex in film and television? It seems that the only time viewers see a condom on the big or small screen is when some goofball who finally gets to bed a hottie is fumbling around trying to ensure he doesn’t blow his load before sex even happens. Condoms are a prop, a comedic device. And sure those little latex cock balloons can be funny as hell sometimes, but why aren’t we seeing the serious side?

How many movies or shows can you think of, particularly more dramatic fare, where two characters connect so quickly, rush back to someone’s home, fuck and we, the viewers, never even get a glimpse of safer sex implements. Are filmmakers taking artistic license that we are just to assume that these measures are being taken? Or are we to presume that, based these depictions, that the safer sex revolution is damn near impotent?

I’m a child of the 80s who became sexually active in the 90s. Up until I had long-term relationships the only sex I knew was wrapped up. Maybe I’m just ultra impressionable, or could be a damn good submissive to the right domme, but it never occurred to me to fuck without a condom.

But the thing is, I can’t remember well enough what the media representation of condoms was back then. I know there was a whole lot of talk about it, and I think there was more explicit connection with condoms in an “afterschool special” sense. But I’m not sure about casual condom use. And that leaves me wondering if films and television need to be showing safer sex measures in fictional settings. A big part of my insides screams “YES” but still, I’m not sure…

Thoughts?

As those of you who listened to our latest podcast know, Sam and I attended the Feminist Porn Awards this year. Well, in addition to the sexy porn stars, great performances and hot porn clips, we got some amazing goodies in our swag bags. Now, although assortment of sex toys, lube and sexy DVDs were welcome treats, what really got me stoked was a tiny little flyer advertising cabaret show put on by none other than Ryan G. Hinds, one of the hosts of the awards show.

Needless to say, there is a reason why he’s become a much-loved staple at the FPAs. Basically, if you haven’t seen him in action, you don’t know what you’re missing and you need to correct that problem – STAT.

But don’t just take it from me. Here’s Ryan in his own words, dishing on his love of cabaret and the great line up that will be featured at his next show.

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For the benefit of our readers who don’t know of you, how would you describe Ryan G. Hinds?

I’m the lovechild of Judy Garland and James Brown. I like to bring a lot of drama to the stage, by making people laugh, or even shed a sentimental tear or two. Whether it’s through dance, song or acting, I really enjoy putting my training to use to make sure people have a good time.

What’s keeping you busy these days?

My newest project is my monthly cabaret at The Flying Beaver Pubaret. The next one happens on April 26^th, this coming Friday. It’s like The Tonight Show, except instead of Johnny Carson, I’m channeling my inner Joan Rivers.

I kick the show of with some singing, tell a few jokes and warm the audience up before introducing the guest performers for the night. After each performance I interview the artists, so the audience gets more insight into what they are all about.

What is it about cabaret that made you choose it as a format for your shows?

Carbaret is really intimate and I love connecting with the audience. There’s no forced wall like you have in a play. I can talk to the crowd, get off stage and mingle with the folks if I want to. It’s a great way to take the temperature of the room and keep things going.

So, in addition to great performances, the audience can expect a bit of an interactive experience?

Yes, audience participation is welcome, whether they want to shout something out for me to talk about or just express their appreciation…very boisterously. The Beaver is a great space that seats 60, so when its full and the crowd is warmed up it’s a lot of fun.

Who and what can people expect to see at the cabaret this month?

Well, at every cabaret I try to have established artists, as well as emerging ones. This month we have Regina The Gentlelady – the drag alter ego of Gentleman Reg, an indie rock singer. She’s the lead singer of a band called Light Fires, and she’s amazing. The all female comedy troupe She Said What, who’ve appeared at venues like Second City and Just for Laughs festival in Montreal, will be bringing their special brand of comedy to show. And last, but definitely not least, Chase Lo, an emerging artist, whose dance can best be described as storytelling through movement. I love his work.

Dance, comedy, singing and a whole lot of Ryan G. Hinds. Sounds like a recipe for one very entertaining night.

Definitely. There’s been a really good response to the shows thus far, and with the line up I’ve put together this time out I think we’re going to have another full house. Anyone planning to come out this Friday will want to be there early, so they don’t miss out on the fun.

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Ryan’s Cabaret, Comedy and Coffee talk event happens this Friday, April 26^th, at The Flying Beaver Pubaret (488 Parliament Street) in downtown Toronto. Doors: 1015pm. Show: 1045pm. Tickets $10 in advance (available at the Pubaret or right here); $15 at the door.

A few months ago I wrote this post concerning the fact that I’m often witness to or inadvertently drawn into awkward conversations about the ‘sad lives’ singletons lead. Despite the fact that more people are single than married in Canada, the US, Britain and beyond, in my experience the default assumption of most people is that everybody – particularly women – should be very interested in getting and staying hitched. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the same attitudes seem to prevail about having kids. Case in point…

The other day I went in to the FedEx Office copy centre in my ‘hood. I was in a really good mood that day, and was happily humming to myself as I strolled over to one of the photocopiers. As I loaded my first document into the machine, the customer service rep closest to me why came over.

“Need any help?’

“No, I think, I’m good thanks.” I replied, as I pressed the start button on the machine.

“You’re in a good mood, you must have just come from class?”

Quick Aside: Although I’m a proud 40-something, because I live close to a university and look way younger than my age – at least according to all the people who say ‘But, you have no wrinkles!’ when I announce my age – I’m often mistaken for a student.

“Class? That’s funny. I graduated from university almost 20 years ago.”

“Oh my God, girl. That would make you about 40. No way.”

“Forty-one actually.”

“Well then, you look real good. Your man must love that you look so young. You married?”

Really? I took a deep breath – secretly wishing that I didn’t actually need the zillion copies of the document I was printing so I could hightail it out of there – and then answered her rather invasive question.

“No.”

“You have any kids?”

Okay this is getting stupid. “No.”

“Girl, you better hurry up. Time is running out for you.”

Why me God, why me??“Actually, time isn’t running out for me, because I don’t want kids.”

Her eyes widened in shock and then she gave me the once over down like I was some kind of alien life form.

“You don’t want children?” She said, shaking her head in disdain. “That’s so selfish.”

PAUSE.

I need a moment for a brief and very indignant rant…

–

Now, let’s assume for a minute that I’m not the type of woman who:

1. Can easily dismiss the bullshit other’s lay at my feet by simply considering the source.
2. Isn’t at all phased by the idea of not having crotch fruit.
3. Is relatively secure about the fact that I’m a barren (I so love that word) singleton.

But instead a woman who:

1. Buys into societal judgments about singlehood and childlessness, especially when confronted by other women who fall into neither category.
2. Secretly or not so secretly longs for a child she is currently struggling to or simply can’t have.
3. Isn’t at all okay with her single, childless status.

Would the ever so friendly FedEx customer service rep’s whack commentary not have completely shattered my soul? How is that in 2013 when it seems every other woman you meet is dealing with some type of fertility issue some people still feel so comfortable making such comments to complete strangers? Why do many people still lack the common sense necessary to slam the brakes on their mouths on such sensitive issues? I mean WTF, people??

Okay. Taking a deep breath…Rant over. Back to the story.

–

This conversation’s stupid factor has now reached the stratosphere. Cut the politeness. Send her on her way.

“Well, if not wanting kids makes me selfish, then I admit it. I’m proudly selfish – all day, every day.” I paused for a moment to let the weight of my  words sink in and then smiled broadly at her. “Now perhaps you should go help another customer so my single, childless and oh so selfish ass can finish what I’m doing here on my own, okay?”

As Ms. FedEx she shuffled off (not before giving me a hard side eye, I might add) and I went back to my copying and humming, I couldn’t help but wonder why is that that we – childless and child-having alike – can’t just respect each other’s choices.

Thoughts, anyone?

Last weekend Skye and I attended the 8th Annual Feminist Porn Awards. This week we decided to briefly recap the FPA’s, talk a bit about the pathologization of hetero-male sexuality, and the ridiculousness that is Ray-J among other things. Check it out, enjoy and an extra special shout out to the good people at Good For Her!

More Than Pillow Talk, Ep. 19

Unfortunately, we’re going to start this round up with a bit of sad news. Sad news if you’re into twin septuagenarian sex workers!

The famous Fokkens sisters – Louise and Martine – have decided to close their window and retire from the Amsterdam sex trade. Believed to be the city’s oldest sex workers, the twins believe they’ve slept with over 355 000 men in their more than 50 years of business.

For all of those who naysay sex work, these two seem to prove you wrong. Not to say it hasn’t been done but can you imagine working any job for 50 years if you felt degraded and abused?

Surely it wasn’t all fantastic for the Fokkens. But the pair, who were profiled in a documentary, aren’t citing nasty conditions about sex work as their reason for hanging it up. Nope, it is the nudity of other window workers.

See, sex workers who have had sex with 355 000 men are just like everyone else and have their limits.

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A lot of tears are flowing over the impending loss of Toronto’s queer magazine Fab. The powers that be at Xtra have determined the glam rag to be redundant…and I have to agree. Xtra has owned Fab for the past few years and in the time that I was reading I could see the two merging in brand and personality. I never much cared for <>Fab, though I did try to like it. I wrote for it a few times but I also had little battles with more than one editor. They even did a little feature on me.

What rankled me so much? It wasn’t that it just presented a gay male perspective of sex and sexuality. Even though that isn’t my identity, I always accepted that was what Fab was. It is fine that they had a specific audience in mind and that the content was aimed at that audience. What got me was that every once in a while they’d put out a woman’s issue, or write an article on bisexuality or feature a political article—and then tout it as revolutionary.

This “look at us we’re inclusive once a year” attitude pissed me off to no end. Either be gay man’s magazine or be inclusive. Or be a gay man’s magazine that is also inclusive—but you have to be consistent. A token article here and there is not good enough.

To me, Fab’s demise is no big loss. There were talented people working there, hopefully those that are retained help Xtra improve.

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The bright lights. The adoration of the crowd. The shimmy, the shake, twirling away and giving it all it’ll take.

That’s the life of the glamourous burlesque dancer, right? Fancy costumes, twirling tassles? The stuff dreams are made of right?

Well, not so much. Burlesque is hard fucking work. It is long hours, low pay and having a high tolerance glitter being everywhere. And as this article states: EVERYWHERE.

Here in Toronto, the burlesque scene is huge. You can’t swing around a brass pole without meeting someone with a cutesy ironic name. And that goes for women and men.

I dated two burlesque dancers back in the day. And I’ve graced the stage a few times myself to shimmy and strip. While I didn’t partake in the glitter myself, those two ladies did and the damn sparkly stuff does get everywhere! I remember one time ending up with a number of the shimmery demons in my mouth and on my teeth.

Seriously though, burlesque is a tough gig full of ups and downs, and again, not just on that pole. The competition to shake your tata’s is fierce, especially in bigger cities. So the next time you get out to see a show, while those sexy ladies and gents are getting down to the bare minimum, make sure you hoot, holler, clap and jump to show your appreciation.

Lingerie is like ice cream. I like lingerie. You like lingerie. We all like lingerie. We might not all like the same type of lingerie but who doesn’t like to see someone in an alluring and revealing undergarment.

However, for me at least, lingerie can also be a source of frustration. Let me explain.

So, the lovely lady I spent New Year’s Eve with (and subsequently New Year’s Day) invited me over to her place with the promise of sustenance and libations. I shaved, showered, got dressed and picked up ice cream–Caramel Cone Explosion, a personal favourite–before making my way to her apartment.

When I arrived she greeted me wearing a babydoll and a sly grin. I smiled. She smiled. We smiled together.

I watched her as she traipsed around her kitchen preparing our meal. I watched her peering into the oven. I watched her as she handed me a cocktail. I watched her all evening, all the while dying to get my hands on her.

I finally did get my chance to reach out and touch someone after music played, our meal was digested and beverages consumed. And it was more than worth the wait. But this brings me to the issue at hand; I enjoyed her body as much if not more than I expected, but as soon as I took that babydoll off I wanted to see her in it again.

That’s my problem with lingerie; the best ones make me want to put them on take them off and put them back on again. And if you’d seen how glorious she looked you’d know that it’s a great problem to have.

As you’ve probably all noticed we’ve been a bit wayward with posting.

APOLOGIES.

We’ve got no excuses – at least none other than life has been hectic. But when has it not been for any of us?

Anyway, all that to say, that after a long pseudo break, we’re back and ready to get down to the business of handling our business this here blog – consistently. With that in mind, here’s my two cents for today.

So, in between the family crises and visits to funeral homes (I wasn’t kidding when I said it was a hectic few months) that have filled my days over the last long while, I’ve managed to squeeze a little play – of the horizontal kind – in. And as a direct result of spending a bit of time with one delightfully unartful paramour, I now have a list of tips I think may be helpful for those of you embarking on new(ish) sexual adventures. Here we go…

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Vive la difference…and then forget about it. As much as many of us are drawn to people with values and lifestyles similar to our own, there’s nothing like a little difference to turn one’s crank – because opposites do indeed attract. So, by all means tell your flavour of the week, month or year what it is about them you find interesting, unique or exotically

No one digs being seen as exotically erotic...all the time.

Be indulgent. Try as we might, it’s pretty easy to fall into a sexual rut with a bedmate – even an amazing one. So, it can’t hurt to indulge your partner’s fantasies every once in a while. Especially when doing so requires you to go on a shopping spree for a tiny black tutu, white knee socks and a pair of red ribbons to go in your hair…but I digress.

Make special requests – very carefully. Okay folks, here’s my caveat to the point above. If you’re lucky enough to be boinking someone you have great chemistry with, who is also willing to indulge you in the boudoir, don’t kill the vibe by asking them something really silly (particularly via text) like “Do you have a friend who you think will join us for a threesome?” if: A) you’ve never discussed having a threesome with the partner in question before; B) you haven’t known them for a long while (FYI: long is relative, so use your very discerning judgment, ok?!?!?); and C) you aren’t 100% sure they won’t give you a hard side eye and then (not so) gently place you on the curb for even thinking about it.

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Now, as one very wise Trini woman in my inner circle often tells me ‘everything ain’t for everybody.’ So, there’s a good chance that the person you fall into bed with may not be into all the same things you are – at least not to the same degree. Of course if the stars align, you’ll likely be able to twist their arm convince them to give or receive something they are officially ‘not that into.’ I’m not going to get into the nitty gritty details here, but let’s just say with a little encouragement (please note I didn’t say bullying) and a well-placed hand, finger or tongue, can make a believer out of almost anyone.

Give ‘em a little space and grace. As I alluded to at the top, my current playmate isn’t the most suave dude on the block. When we first met he put his foot in his mouth on the regular, and in my younger, much less tolerant days, I would’ve have sent him packing for such offences. Without even sampling his goods. Luckily, the older and wiser(?) me has learned that a good cock man is hard to find, so now is such moments I simply pause,  take a deep breath and make a mental note to address the situation later. After all, there’s no beef a solid horizontal mambo can’t fix, right?

FIN

So the other day, my girls and I were dining at a fabulous local eatery. After a bit of small talk, playful banter and other tom foolery, the conversation turned to toward our second favourite subject (which is, as one would expect, very closely related to our first) – MEN.

Of course, as we’re a mostly singleton set, we set about running through all the things we’d want in a prospective partner. All the clichéd desires came up first:

A good sense of humour, intellect, kindness, honesty, etc., etc.

However, since we are nothing if not a bunch of very dirty girls, we also discussed what it would be like to find a mate with the man parts of our dreams. And let me tell you folks, when we go in on the subject of dick we go in straight H.A.M! Which is more than likely why, a dude sitting at a table not far from ours chose to chime in, when my girl Desirée*, who happens to be a Black woman (you’ll get why I mentioned that in a minute, trust) said,

“What I wouldn’t give to find a magnificent man attached to a perfectly positive penis.”

As the rest of our crew and I high fived her in agreement, a male voice said (and I quote),

“Well, I’m not sure if I’ll qualify as a magnificent man in your eyes, but I’ve definitely been told that I measure up to the bros more than a time or two.”

Trying hard to rein in my I-am-so-not-amused side eye, I turned in my seat to see who had dared to interrupt our conversation with that bit of foolishness, and met the eyes of a decent looking 40ish blond guy.

“Pardon me?” I asked, thinking he’d back down out of shame at comparing himself to ‘bros’, when confronted by a real live ‘sista’. After all, he was sitting with two of his friends, one of whom had the good sense to look mortified, and had six pairs of female eyes trained on him.

“I couldn’t help but hear you ladies talking about all that you wanted in a man, and I just thought I’d let you know that I definitely measure up,” he said, pausing to emphasize his point with a wink, “where it counts.”

It may indeed...but it's not always about measuring up.

Holy cheese, Batman!

I opened my mouth to speak, but Tess – a long time friend of mine with a sharp tongue and an even sharper temper – beat me to it, and loudly declared in a very customer service-y “I’m-putting-you-in-your-place-as-politely-as-I-can-so-I-don’t-lose-my-job voice:

“Well, thanks for the heads up, but the next time you eavesdrop you might want to listen more closely, because nowhere in our discussion did anyone mention anything about size. But, I’m guessing a decidedly un-magnificent man like you – sorry, but there’s no other way to describe a man who butts into a conversation in the finesse-less way you did – probably has a rather limited view of what it takes to please a woman.”

Ouch!

With that, the suddenly blushing blonde took a long swig of his beer and then flagged the waitress down for their bill, as his friends took great pains to look away from our table. Funnily enough, none of them seemed to appreciate being stared at by everyone in our corner of the restaurant.

As he and his boys hightailed it out of the restaurant, and we returned to our discussion, a still heated Tess posed a question to the group, that I’m going to go ahead and ask you all…

“Why is that so many men think the only thing that women want when it comes to cock is size?”

* All names have been changed to protect the not so innocent.

Isn’t just having sex for the first time just scary enough? Now this study suggests that how you feel about popping your cherry might colour current and future sexual relations?

Really, don’t we all have some memories of our first sexy time that are, in the very least awkward and to the other extreme mortifying? Based on the study, if you were happy with your first time, then you’re more likely to be content with the business you’re conducting now. However, if you have anxiety about that momentous occasion, then you’re less likely to be enjoying sex now.

So how is it there are any children—ever? Are there people who have no bad memories of that first time? If so, was it all white sheets, cooing doves, a kind and gentle partner (who was also a virgin) and fireworks over the bed?

I’m not about to say it was a bad time. It was, as for most teenage boys, pretty damn quick. I thought I knew what I was doing, but I’m guessing it was a fumble and a stumble. Most notable was directly after. I lingered inside my devirginator for too long and I got soft. Finally I pulled away (swatted away the damn doves) and did a proud walk down the hall. When I got to the bathroom…I couldn’t find the condom.

I looked all around. I looked in the hall. I looked to see if it was stuck to me or anything else. Damn thing wasn’t anywhere. All red-faced I returned to the bedroom, wondering if I’d even mention it. When I walked in, she held the prophylactic trophy up and said “looking for something?” Fortunately we broke out laughing, but I’m not going to claim that some of my laughter was definitely on the nervous side.

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You just never know who you’re going to run into hanging out in a park in the winter.

Maybe you’ll meet a kindly banker feeding pigeons. Maybe a librarian, looking for a lost mitten. Maybe a dominatrix, out walking her dog.

It isn’t very often that a mainstream publication like the Toronto Star will run a neutral, even possibly positive piece on someone involved in the sex industry. There is very little sensationalizing in this piece. Mizz Barbie is presented as an honest, working mother. Her work is described in plain terms and what her clients want is described without the titter titter hehe I’ve come to expect.

So, what gives? How did this happen?

Maybe we’re coming to a time in which a dominatrix is treated as any other worker. Mizz Barbie will be able to hand out business cards at events and parties. According to the article, she’s already caught the ears of many who are now intrigued by the recently fashionable BDSM. And good for them! She seems, from this piece, an articulate, considerate and smart individual in her field.

Could we possible be entering a new era of understanding?

I would love to believe that. I would love to think we’re evolving into sex positive people. And maybe articles like this will be watershed.

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Where we used to rely on erect nipples and thin fabric, now we have technologically advanced dresses that reveal that the wearer wants to get it on.

You know who will be the most pissed off about this invention? Austin Powers. He won’t be able to use his line—the answer will be obvious!

Seriously though, the dress, which can start out in either black or white, fades to transparency as the wearer’s heart rate increases That stimulation is processed by a microchip in the dress, which then activates the foil in the dress (“Shields down!”).

Don’t get your hopes of getting (or seeing someone in) one of these garments anytime soon though. Currently they’re only available to private collectors.

So, my question is: would you wear clothing like this? Would you put yourself out there to potential show of the goods if a hottie walked down the street? Would it bother you if your partner wanted to wear something like this?

Controlling people through clothing is nothing new. It has gone on for centuries in various societies and religions. Is this an attack on those mores? And we’ve seen, in recent memory, the impact clothing can have on our perceptions of people’s sex and sexuality.