Here’s hoping your holiday celebrations (particularly those of the horizontal kind) were nothing short of sublime and that you’re now all looking forward to even more and exponentially better bedroom action a great 2012 (at least up until the world ends on Dec 21, right? *shuddering*): one that with any luck will include more time spent with all of us here at MetAnotherFrog.com (I mean, let’s be honest here folks, what could possibly be better than that?).

Now that the New Year has finally rolled in, and all the boozin’, partyin’ and mayhem is not so long behind we’re ready and rearing to get right back at it. Well, Sam and I are. Elizabeth Rose our sex maverick is still working on recovering from her ‘war wound’ (more on that later). Over the next few weeks we’ll be offering up: 1) our own (likely very naughty) resolutions; 2) running through our best of 2011 lists; and 3) announcing the lucky winners of the We-Vibe 3’s we’re giving away in our contest (if you have yet to start on your entry you’d better get a move on. The contest closes on Jan. 13). Also, a few of our fave tweeps will be dropping by to share their thoughts on some…

Things that make us go hmmmm…

.

.

All in all it will be a month you don’t want to miss. So, make sure you’re right back here tomorrow when the fun starts.

Till Tomorrow,

Ms. Blue

It’s been a while since we’ve featured a super sex positive mover and shaker here on the blog, so I’m delighted to introduce you all to Ms. Cynthia Loyst.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with that name, Cynthia is an advice columnist, certified life and relationship coach, and television producer/host. Her work in television includes a long stint as the supervising producer for the award-winning and internationally syndicated documentary series SexTV, in addition to more recently producing and hosting Sex Matters. She’s is a multi-faceted woman whose work revolves around thinking about, researching, and questioning cultural notions of love and sexuality. And I was lucky enough to sit down with her recently for a chat about sex and relationships in our changing society…

Skye: What first piqued your interest and passion for all things sex?

CL:  I think what happened for me, happens to a lot of people who are raised in a religious environment. I was brought up Catholic, and so very early on I started questioning notions around women’s role in the Bible, women’s role in the church and ideas and restrictions around sex and sexuality. To me it seemed there was a missing link between what was being taught to us, and what I kind of knew was happening around me within people’s lived real experiences.

So for example, the Bible or our school would put out this message that you should only have sex for procreation. And I remember that once as a very young kid saying to my parents, “Does that mean you only had sex twice?”, because I have a sister. I asked that question to provoke, because a lot of the things that I was seeing in the Catholic religion, where people were choosing what they wanted to do or adopt and take on – kind of  “choose your own religion” style – really, really bothered me: especially when it came to sex and sexuality. I found it all really contradictory.

As I got a bit older, I also couldn’t understand their notions around homosexuality, because I was becoming friends with people who identified as gay. I identified as someone who was interested in female sexuality and other girls as well.

So, from a very young age I was questioning and then researching. It sort of all came to a head when my sister got pregnant when I was sixteen, and she had just turned nineteen. I thought “Here’s the result or what could happen when you don’t talk to your kids about sex at all and the school system doesn’t support them”. After witnessing that I sort of made it my aim to provide really good sexuality information. And I think had I not gone into film and television to be the vehicle for that, I would have gone into therapy.

Skye: You mentioned growing up Catholic just now. Were you not at all affected by the guilt and shame around sexuality that is typically experienced by people of your faith?

Cynthia: Oh no. I once had a lot of Catholic guilt, particularly around masturbation. I discovered masturbation when I was really young and what I learned in school about it being wrong stayed with me until I was about 12. I think that all changed when I read somewhere, probably in the textbook of a friend who attended public school, and noticed that it said, “Masturbation is totally natural and normal unless it’s against your religion”. I read that and thought I bet it’s against my religion because no one ever talks about it. Then I started to ask myself how could it be natural and normal for everyone, unless it was against your religion? I couldn’t marry those two ideas, but there was no one to go and talk to about it.

So I ended up feeling very resentful and bitter about that fact. Even though there was still shame attached to it, I think because my spirit was a bit rebellious, along with the shame there was an attitude of fuck this! I don’t care if it’s supposed to be shameful. I can’t believe that this is a bad thing for me.

Skye: Your June 9^th Sex Matters show was about technology and cheating, and Cory Silverberg your guest said that although technology was not making people cheat, it was making cheating easier, as being in close proximity with someone was not longer necessary in order to cheat. In speaking with Jocelyn Wentland, sex researcher – her findings regarding technology was that it “appears to be allowing women more freedom in terms of initiating dates with new partners in a way that isn’t seen when we look at the traditional means of initiating dates (i.e. in person or on the phone).” Do you think the freedoms technology brings to the dating scene are outweighed by the increased risk of infidelity?

CL: I wouldn’t necessarily have connected those two dots, as they’re completely different issues to me and both women and men benefit in some ways from technology in the dating scene.  Also, with online dating, texting and other forms of technology there are a lot of drawbacks – cheating included – when it comes to dating.

Here’s how I would connect the dots. The instant rush we all get in the moment we receive an email, a facebook message, a tweet, a text or whatever, can be very addictive. And it can also suck you in and give you a sense of false intimacy a lot sooner than if you were spending real time together.

Today you can be anywhere, anytime and be in constant contact. It does tend to be a little bit addictive and compulsive for lots of people. It’s easy to be pulled in by the false sense of intimacy and I think that can be detrimental to getting to know someone. The question is what are you really attracted to at that time? Is it the rush you get as you receive the next message or is it about spending time with them to get a sense of their little quirks? Technology provides a very narrow and potentially addictive window through which to get to know somebody.

But the upside of technology whether you’re single or in a relationship is that you can be a bit sexier. You can be bolder by using technology to send messages that you may not feel comfortable saying. Things like: “I’m thinking about your fill-in-the-blank body part right now”. You probably wouldn’t say that over the phone, but you might send a message like that. So I think technology has the power to put you into places sexually that you wouldn’t otherwise have thought about, which can be great. But it can also be a bit misleading and get you into hot water – if you’re cheating or presenting yourself in a way that isn’t really who you are.

Skye: Cory also said that what constitutes cheating in a given relationship is dependent upon the rules a given couple has in their relationship as to what acts/behaviours amount to a break down in trust. He also added that not everyone who is married follows the same rules regarding monogamy and that our collective belief that we all do monogamy the same way is misguided. Based on that why do you think so many people hang on to the belief that there is only one way to do monogamy and tend to come down so hard on public figures for what at first glance to someone outside of their relationship seems to be cheating?

CL:  I think we cling to the idea of monogamy because our entire culture, if not most of the world, supports and bolsters this idea of “the one” and till death do us part. From childhood on we see and hear fairy tales, books, music, and films supporting this idea of your “one true love”. We don’t hear a lot about triads or polyamorous relationships. (laughs) And we don’t hear about open relationships or the third on the side – outside of scenarios involving cheating or betrayal – so I think that people have false ideas and expectations about what is really happening in the world and what it means to have a successful partnership.

I also think we all suffer from these deep insecurities as sexual beings. We always want to know what is normal, so we can feel that we’re part of the normal range. I’m always fascinated when people seem so concerned with questions like, what is the average amount of sex people are having per week? Or how many sex partners do people have on average before they get married? That’s what mainstream culture finds interesting, because they want to cross compare.

Also, as a culture we love our quick fixes. We want five easy steps to lose weight, look younger or to get to some other place, and have it all work out. So I think that we want that in terms of our relationships as well, and everybody thinks that they want monogamy, because that’s what society has presented as the most normal and workable option.

But now the cracks in that idea are starting to show through. More and more with public figures, primarily men, have failed at their relationships in these bombastic, very public ways. The public is quick to condemn them as terrible people or sex addicts, but the question that should be asked is this: are all these sex scandals just reminders that monogamy for 20, 30, 40, 50 years is not necessarily a workable situation?

What we’re finding out now, is that what all these sociobiologists, evolutionary theorists and the like were saying about monogamy being in our “nature” really isn’t true. There’s a really good book called Sex At Dawn that is debunking this idea. Still we’re not seeing examples of loving, positive and healthy non-monogamous relationships in the mainstream culture. It may change in the next generation, but I doubt it. People have a hard enough time being accountable to their loved ones – family, friends, etc. – as it is now. It takes a lot of effort to make monogamy work – which is why we see so much cheating. But it takes even more effort to make non-monogamy to work. Most people aren’t ready to have the type of open, honest conversations it takes to do monogamy well, much less non-monogamy.

Skye: In the Globe and Mail article ‘Buddies in Bed Times: The Growing Appeal of Sex Without Commitment’ you stated that the growing trend of having casual sex is “…less about perpetual adolescence and more a reflection of cynicism or realism around marriage and monogamy. More people are choosing not to put all their eggs in the marriage basket. Many couples I know are starting to think about and discuss the limitations of sex till death do us part.” We are now living in a time when there are more single than married people living in most Western world countries. Do you think the cynicism you spoke of will result in an ever increasing number of singles across the globe, or simply more couples choosing to redefine what marriage and commitment means to them?

CL: I think we’ll always want to be committed to people to some degree, and whether those are short term commitments or long term ones I think getting to know people – our friends, our lovers – we as humans like to pair bond in that way. So I hope it’s not just going to be an ever growing cynicism that keeps people floating from lover to lover without any kind of depth. I think that would be a sad state of affairs.

I think what we’ll see are more people like myself. I’ve been with my common law partner for 11 years and right from the get go we were having discussions about what it meant to be in a monogamous relationship. It wasn’t an easy discussion to have at first, particularly for him, but over the years we’ve kept the conversation going and it’s become more comfortable.

So I think you’ll see people staying in long term relationships because it’s meaningful to them, but they might also have partners on the side at different points in their lives. Will they choose to disclose that to their partners? Maybe depending on the agreements they have. Will they invite people into their bedrooms? Possibly. People – at least modern urban people – will start defining their relationships in ways that work best for them. But there will also be a ton of people that will never, ever even consider doing do anything like that.

–

Be sure to come back tomorrow for Part 2 of my chat with Cynthia, when we discuss societal attitudes towards sex, masturbation and pleasure; what it takes to maintain a solid sexual relationship with your partner; and all our inner spaces.

But, before we say goodbye and close the door on Anything But Vanilla month I’d like to offer my heartfelt thanks to all the guest writers who chose to contribute their most titillating thoughts, steamiest stories and freakiest fantasies (which allowed Sam, Elizabeth and I to take a much needed break over the last month). Namely…

@rubyyyjones, @LovelyMissLily, @TrippAdvice, @MizzLoveLippz,  Simone B. (who so needs to get on the twitter, just sayin’), @theurbandater, @DirtyKnickers_, ‘Shawn’, @EvolvingEvie, @maxfab, @thenakedredhead, and last but definitely not least @SSDated

Here’s a sampling some of the hottest posts (IMO) featured in August, strictly for the benefit of anyone crazy enough to miss any of the fun last month…

Summer in the City: Part 2

Standard Operating Procedures Need Not Apply

An Unforgettable Birthday

No More Vanilla Sex

Fuck Me Til I’m Thesaurus

Now back to the month at hand. I’m sure you’re all wondering what we’ve got on tap for September, so I’m not going to keep you in suspense any longer. This month’s theme, the brainchild Met Another Frog’s own favourite former slutty private school girl, Elizabeth Rose, is…

Back to School.

That’s right boys and girls, school is in session and for the next few weeks we’re going to ‘teach’ you all there is to know about the birds and the bees, school girl/boy and naughty teacher fantasies, and much more.

Attention students! You are all expected to report right back here tomorrow at your bright eyed and bushy tailed best. Please note your attendance over the next few weeks is mandatory. Rest assured anyone who dares to cut class will be sent to the principal’s office for a sound paddling. And we wouldn’t want that now, would we?

SB

Hey CoCo,

I’ve recently started to really get to know a girl that’s been in my social scene for awhile. The more I get to know her the more I want to date her. She’s wicked funny, easy on the eyes and we’ve got a lot in common. Even better, from conversations we’ve had, I know she’s into me too. The problem: She’s got kind of a rep around the scene as a casual hookup. A couple of my friends have even been with her. I know this may make me sound like a dick but can I really date this girl seriously? Is there a way to do it without getting teased by my friends?

Bad Reputation

–

Hey BR!

Well first off I’d like to congratulate you for taking the time to get to know this girl as a person. The object of your desire may have a rep but the beautiful truth is that human beings are complex and multifaceted. Writing someone off as being one thing and one thing only is really short sighted, and while we all can be judgemental sometimes – or, uh, a lot of times– it’s still a dick move.

So congratulation on not being a dick…so far! The next move you make will be the determining factor. You ask, BR, whether you can seriously date a girl who’s gotten busy with your buds? My answer is YES. DO. IT. Why the hell not!? It would be more difficult if she had been in a serious long-term relationship with someone close to you. If that were the case there would be all sorts of feelings to consider, emotional fallout to deal with and just…an ungodly amount of bullshit, ok? You don’t have that problem. You have an awesome, funny girl who you like and who also likes you, and um bonus, she likes having sex too. Score!

Your friends may or may not give you a hard time about dating the ‘town ho’ but you shouldn’t let that stop you from doing what you want to do. Good friends will treat your sweetheart like the lady she is. Anyone who doesn’t is just pissed off that you had the balls to go against the hivemind and succeed where others feared to tread. You do sound young so let me give you some words of wisdom: People who don’t go after what they want never get it. What do you want more, a hot girlfriend that makes you laugh or the assurance that your friends can’t razz you about getting regularly laid? Right? I thought so.

.

.

BR, I know that it can be hard to go against the grain but let’s consider for a moment what a ridiculous double standard this is. Your lady is branded a S-L-U-T because she has casual sex and meanwhile all your guy friends are probably out every night trying to do the exact same thing. You don’t judge them for it and they don’t have the right to judge her. Humans need sex. We need more than that too but in the absence of a meaningful relationship a significant number of us will still try to get our basic needs met. It’s natural and it works both ways. The past is the past so let it rest. This lady’s got game and she’s got guts; if she didn’t you wouldn’t like her half as much. Go for it.

Love, CoCo

P.S. For you and anyone else looking to get further (old)schooled on this topic may I suggest you watch and LISTEN to the video above. I believe you’ll find it quite enlightening.

It’s a phrase that is so ripe, just oozing, with the possibility of things isn’t?

I mean, so much can happen – be it exhilarating or serene, whimsical or run of the mill, inspired or insipid, innocent fun or the down- and-oh-so-dirty variety – The Night Before…

.

The Night Before…the choice is

Mine.

Yours.

Ours.

To experience as much or as little of the possibility afforded to us in just one evening.

And to celebrate all that choice and possibility, Met Another Frog and her lil’ black book are throwing a party: The Night Before…

Dear Readers, consider this your personal invitation to join myself, Elizabeth (yes, she’ll be on this side of the pond), Sam and hl_bb at

The Night Before…

A celebration, of you our dear readers and the possibility of  (oh so many enticing) things the night – one night – can bring:

On Friday, August 19^th, 2011

At PÄAEEZ Lounge (569 College Street, Toronto, ON  M5A 1G6)

Featuring DJ Kariz

No cover. Doors open @ 10pm

So, come on out in your casual best to mingle, dance and to experience some very interesting possibilities The Night Before…

See you there,

SB

Sexual Mishaps and Embarrassing Moments

Yep, those painfully awkward, buzz-killing, and shaming-inducing moments under the bleachers back in high school in the boudoir that each and every one of us has experienced at least once in our lives is what the next month is all about.

As fun as this may look, it's a Sex Mishap waiting to happen.

And why have we decided to spend the next few weeks highlighting the one aspect of our ‘sexcapades’ we’d all like to forget, you ask? Well, the thing is, behind virtually every dark clouded bedroom calamity and uncomfortable situation, there’s a silver lining – one hell of a hilarious story. And you know how much we love funny stories, right?

Dear readers think of this as our attempt to put the f-u-n back into sex: because if nothing else, sexy time should be a whole lot of FUN. So, if you aren’t laughing/giggling/smiling in between all your shouts of “Oh God!”, “More! Gimme more!” and “yes, Yes, YES!!!’” – even as the sheer force of your boinking causes you to fall out of bed (in a tangled heap of limbs and moist body parts) and onto the floor – there’s a good chance you just ain’t doing it right. Just sayin’.

.

Good people, Sexual Mishaps and Embarassing Moments month starts tomorrow, so be sure to come back real SOON, so you don’t miss any of the tom foolery and madness that is sure to come.

‘Til then, happy reading and sexin’ (coital catastrophes aside),

SB

I was lucky enough to be able to attend SlutWalkTO with my girl Mel today and we had an absolute an absolute blast! I’m not generally one to go out and protest anything, but heading out onto the streets of TO to support the fight for women’s equality and sexual freedom was something I felt compelled to do, and I’m so glad I did.

From the moment we got to Queen’s Park and saw the crowd of people, many of them holding placards and signs, listening in rapt attention to the opening words of the organizers we knew it was going to be a great event.

There were men and women of all ages, races,  and sexual orientations in the large and very peaceful crowd. I saw parents carrying their babes in their arms; young girls with their mothers and grandmothers; armies of young men carrying placards that had slogans like “End Slut-Shaming” scrawled across them; and former hippies spreading the message of peace as we walked, biked, and/or rolled along the protest route, chanting, clapping and laughing together.

When we got the Toronto Police Headquarters, the massive crowd listened attentively as speaker after speaker highlighted the many reasons why fighting to end violence against women is so important. Reasons including the fact that:

• Every 17 minutes, a woman is raped.
• 1 in 4 women will be sexually assaulted.
• 51% of Canadian women report having experienced at least one incident of physical or sexual violence since the age of sixteen.
• 4 out of 5 female undergraduates surveyed at Canadian universities said they had been victims of violence in a dating relationship.
• 83% of women with disabilities will be sexually assaulted during their lifetime.
• Date rape accounts for 60% of reported rapes.
• 80% of sexual assaults occur at home; 49% in broad daylight.
• 93% of sexual assault survivors do not report to the police due to humiliation or fear of revictimization in the legal process. For women of colour, that fear is worsened by the experience of racism.
• In a Canadian study 1 in 5 male students surveyed said that forced intercourse was all right “if he spends money on her”, “if he is stoned or drunk”, or “if
  they had been dating for a long time”.
  .

And right up until the end of the final speech of the day by Heather Jarvis, one of the co-founders of SlutWalk, the energy of the event was beautiful, empowering, unifying and a whole lot of fun. Just take a look at the pictures below and you’ll see what I mean.

–

Just a few of the many beautiful, fierce and proud ‘sluts’, and their placard wielding supporters who came out today…

An oft forgotten truth.

.

Hot sluts on roller skates at Queen’s Park

.

A slut who’s dreaming of a day when events like SlutWalk won’t be necessary.

.

..

A sexy “sex positive slut worker”

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Two happy man sluts.

.

..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Two too cute for words sluts.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

..

.

Two slut lovin’ supporters.

.

..

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

My two favourite signs of the day.

.

Slutty volunteers.

.

Alyssa Teekah, one passionate and outspoken slut.

.

Heather Jarvis, the charming, vocal and super slutty co-founder of SlutWalk.

.

The ever slutty and smart Sonya Barnett, the other co-founder of SlutWalk.

.

And a closing thought before I go…

]]> http://www.metanotherfrog.com/2011/04/03/slutwalk-rocked/feed/ 0 http://www.metanotherfrog.com/2011/04/02/slutwalkto/ http://www.metanotherfrog.com/2011/04/02/slutwalkto/#comments Sat, 02 Apr 2011 22:01:55 +0000 MetAnotherFrog Admin http://www.metanotherfrog.com/?p=8882 SKYE BLUE

As you all know, we here at MetAnotherFrog.com luv us some sluts. I mean how could we not, when we have a proud, card-carrying and unabashed slut like Elizabeth Rose – who takes great pride in her “work” – on our team? So, needless to say, we were all up in arms when we learned read the following:

‘“Women should avoid dressing like sluts in order not to be victimized,” Toronto police Const. Michael Sanguinetti told a class on rape at Osgoode Hall Law School…’

in the Toronto Star a few days ago. And as it turns out we weren’t the only ones who were enraged by his statement. You see, Sonya J F Barnett and Heather Jarvis, two very spunky ladies, who are more than fed up with being sick and tired of all the of victim-blaming and sexual profiling that seems to run through our citiy’s Protective Services, got angry too. So angry that they decided to do something about it…

They created an organized protest called SlutWalk Toronto.

What is SlutWalk all about?

With that in mind this month we’ve decided to give you a rundown of our absolute favourite things. (And, trust me, despite the video our list will have little to do with raindrops on roses or whiskers on kittens, and more to do with putting the ho ho OOOHHHH! back into your holidays).
.

.
Yes, dear readers, we plan to inject some real mirth and merriment into your holiday celebrations by writing about all the things that make our girl/man parts feel tingly and/or stand at attention put lusty grins on our faces, all in an effort to help you get real jolly this season.

The fun starts tomorrow. See you then.

SB

“Society’s double behavioral standard for women and for men is, in fact, a more effective deterrent than economic discrimination because it is more insidious, less tangible. Economic disadvantages involve ascertainable amounts, but the very nature of societal value judgments makes them harder to define, their effects harder to relate.” – Anne Tucker

As part of her work as curator at Houston’s Museum of Fine Arts, Anne Tucker published the Woman’s Eye in 1973. She stated:

“The Woman’s Eye represents the first major attempt to bring together notable photographs by women and to consider, through them, the role played by sexual identity both in the creation and the evaluation of photographic art.”

We here at MetAnotherFrog.com aren’t about to go high brow with all this fine art and photography. However, this month we are looking at the role played by sexual identity on the way we perceive dating, relationship status, or sexual activity. Not dissimilar to our usual filth peddling. But as might be hinted at by the more serious tone of my intro to the month and the quote by a really smart and very savvy lady – there is a weighty undercurrent to this. One that will clearly be felt in our choice of opening topic: addressing the often unnoticed fear many women experience as they interact with men and the constant risk assessments they perform as a matter of course.

There seem to be very few hard-line feminists left in this world who are striving for absolute equality. Most of us (oh yes – that’s an “us”) sluts are among the most adamant of all feminists I know, and we accept that the inherent differences between the genders will impact our most fundamental experiences and perspectives on life.

This isn’t about stereotyping or professing that “all women” are one thing and “all men” are another. It is simply an acknowledgment that whether you believe we are defined by nature or nurture, a woman is not just physiologically different, but will have a vastly different life experience than her brothers, sons, husband(s) and lovers.

Of course, this does mean that throughout this month I may be found high upon my soap box, brandishing my burning bra and ranting about a utopia where all are judged based on individual merit and not gender, race, age or sexuality. Or it means you could learn something new, something you may have missed while looking at various aspects of sex, dating and relationships through the lens of your own background and experience.

Regardless, Skye is standing by with a fire extinguisher for when the brassiere ignites and Sam will be passing out beers to amused spectators.