More Than Pillow Talk, Ep. 18

In January of this year,  a British MP from the Conservative Party proposed legislation that can only be described as a HUGE step backwards. Nadine Dorries put forward a bill that would require schools to teach girls BUT NOT BOYS the value of abstaining from sex. I was appalled by this but fortunately, for my sanity, the bill was withdrawn and common sense has prevailed. The very fact that the bill was viewed as highly controversial gave me some hope that Britain is moving towards more gender equality, and also becoming a little bit more sexually positive with respect to education as well.

And then on 16 October, Ms. Dorries told a committee of MPs responsible for allocating business in the main chamber of parliament that she would be seeking a full Commons debate on abortion law in 2013, in addition to the Westminster Hall debate which took place on October 31. MPs will debate whether the abortion time limit should be cut from 24 to 20 weeks, after an application from Tory MP Nadine Dorries was successful in a Commons ballot.

They lady in question has been courting the public rather emphatically, having given an interview to the Huffington Post where she told them:

“I’m very much a feminist. I’m very pro-women… I’m the mother of three daughters.”

Really? Pro-women? How can a woman be anything other? But what on earth do her actions state other than a shocking lack of agreement to the slow steps to equality that have occurred over the years. Cutting the time limit for abortion is one thing if seen in isolation, but taken in the context of her earlier motion to teach abstinence to girls only it takes a sinister turn. What exactly is she trying to achieve? Are the young women of Britain (including her own daughters) to be sacrificed on the altar of her political ambitions?

From the looks of it, deserting her constituents made Ms. Dorrie very, very happy.

As an individual who doesn’t own a TV let alone watch reality shows, I am informed she was the first contestant voted off and is now waiting to know if the Conservative party will allow her to return after she was suspended due to flying to Australia during Parliament.

So we have a woman who: 1) proposed one radical bill on teaching abstinence to girls only, before hurriedly withdrawing it due to popular opinion rising against it; 2) introduced another bill on a safer, yet still controversial topic of women’s rights; 3) gives sound bites to press on “pro-women” issues; 4) left her constituents without a parliamentary representative for weeks, when she took an unapproved leave from her job; and 5) is now courting public support to be reinstated to her post – one she voluntary abandoned to fly off to another country for a television appearance – to prevent an “all-male parliament.”

How dare she? How dare this attention seeking harpy use her gender to push for re-admittance into parliament when her actions are nothing but self-serving?

~~~ and breathe ~~~

In conclusion, to our British readers – I ask you to keep your eyes on this one. She’s a worry. And to our foreign friends – take heart that all governments have their crazies.

For this article, I am returning to my initial promises made in the very first appearance I had on this wonderful site. Way back then I volunteered to provide some information on some lesser known heroes of sexuality; it’s almost two years later, but I am now ready to regale you all with some canny facts about Gershon Legman.

In addition to inventing the vibrating dildo, Gershon Legman has been credited with coining this popular phrase.

The first reason for his being a sexual hero of mine is the fabulous work he published on cunningligus. It was his first publication, at age 23: an essay titled Oragenitalism: An Encyclopaedic Outline of Oral Technique in Genital Excitation, Part I, Cunnilinctus. Published in 1940 under the anagrammatic pseudonym Roger-Maxe de la Glannege. It was not a popular read with mainstream society due to the overwhelming belief the practice was obscene. Most of the original copies were destroyed and the publisher arrested. A complete version was published in 1969 (29 years later) including chapters on fellatio, 69ers and irrumation (learn a new word every day I always say!).

However, here is where Legman’s hero status becomes a bit difficult. Gershon Legman was something of a product of his era. His work on oral sex or “the Intimate Kiss” provides detailed and instructive information on oral sex. However, it also veers off slightly into his own predilections. According to his book, you must be in small room, with a room temperature no more or less then 70 degrees. Also, the bed you do it on must have an oak wood frame and must be painted red. There is also the worrying suggestion that only women between the ages of 23 and 28 are worthy to have sex with. As Legman was 23 himself when he wrote it, I’m going to suggest it was a fallacy of youth. Still, it is one of the points in an oft-quoted work that does rather spoil the vibe.

Speaking of vibes, he’s also bizarrely credited at age 20 with working with an inventor to create a vibrating dildo. A man who peaked early in my book!

In 1949 he published his crowning work – Love & Death: A Study in Censorship. This is an exhaustively documented diatribe both explicit and fierce in its argument that violence, not sex, is the real pornography; in which Legman focuses his bile on patriarchy’s cruelty to women. Although the idea no longer seems radical or outrageous, during the “Mad Men” era he wrote and published it in, it was consideres so offensive that his mail service was cut off by the US Postal Service.

It’s well worth a read. He’s maddening as an author as so much is there I want to agree with, right alongside his rather bewildering posturing on “dirty hippies”. It’s rather like reading Cartman from South Park’s position on sexual repression leading to violence – “you will respect my authority!”.

While his arguments are often awfully close to ranting, his chapter “Avatar of the Bitch” is compelling as an insight into some straight up feminism from a man in the late 1940s. He postulates that the use of strong and dominating women in popular culture (Venus Dominatrix) is “presented to the emancipated but still enslaved wives-mothers-and-mistresses as a fantasy escape from their servitude to men, to fashion, traditional morality, and the paralysing uselessness of being nothing but the show-horses of their owner’s success.”

Legman is a confirmed Freudian in his thinking and themes of psychoanalysis and female castration crop up here and there – which conflicts in a most frustrating manner with those aspects leaning towards feminism and modern thinking that I so want to concur with.

I think that is really part of the reason I see him as a hero in sexuality and something of a trail-blazer. He was eccentric in his attitudes by the standard of any age. Railing against a societal norm of cruelty to women, while attributing penis envy to them all; publishing an essay on how and why to perform oral sex, but stating it’s not worth it with any girl younger than 23 or older than 29. And let’s not forget about those damn “dirty hippies”.

I believe that sexuality for each of us as individuals is both an evolution and a contradiction. It’s rather pleasing to have that documented so eloquently in the work of someone I choose to look up to.

In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it’s the exact opposite. – Paul Dirac

I’m a big fan of science, and find myself flicking through various Pop Science journals and avidly glued to occasional documentaries exploring the universe through the latest scientific theories. (And professor Brian Cox is a hottie – so that helps immensely in my viewing pleasure.)

However, of late there have been some rather distressing research linking oral sex and throat cancer.

According to recent studies, people who have had more than five oral-sex partners in their lifetime are 250% more likely to have throat cancer than those who do not have oral sex. The researchers believe this is because oral sex may transmit human papillomavirus (HPV), the virus implicated in the majority of cervical cancers.

The research was conducted at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health in Baltimore, Maryland, US, and the study collected blood and saliva samples from the throats of 100 patients diagnosed with cancers of the tonsils or back of the throat. The scientists also took samples from 200 healthy people for comparison. By combining the blood and saliva samples with antibody molecules, the research team could tell whether a person had ever had an HPV infection.

The study also revealed a link between oral sex and throat cancer caused by HPV. People who had one to five oral-sex partners in their lifetime had approximately a doubled risk of throat cancer compared with those who never engaged in this activity – and those with more than five oral-sex partners had a 250% increased risk. By comparison, either smoking or drinking increases the risk of such cancer by about threefold.

The new findings should encourage people to consistently use condoms during oral sex as this could protect against HPV, the team says. Other experts say that the results provide more reason for men to receive the new HPV vaccine.

Many rich nations have launched HPV immunisation programs for girls to try to protect them from the common sexually transmitted virus before they become sexually active. A recent article in the British Medical Journal pushed for immunisation to be considered for both boys and girls. The scientists, led by Hisham Mehanna of the Institute of Head and Neck Studies at Britain’s University Hospital Coventry, said that while including boys in immunisation plans was previously seen as too expensive, it may be time to look again.

Could the recent research findings that link oral sex and throat cancer eventually lead to this?

More than 500,000 cases of cervical cancer are diagnosed annually in women and it kills around 200,000 a year. Head and neck cancer is the sixth most common cancer among men and women, with about 640,000 new cases each year worldwide. So the figures appear to stack up for including boys in HPV immunisation.

So… science fact is a worrying headline:

“Oral sex will cause cancer!”

Hopefully this information will be used in a wise manner to drive towards unisex immunization programmes for HPV, as well as encouraging the use of condoms for blow jobs and those weird dental dam things forcunnilingus. Of coure, the danger of all this science, is that the facts could lead to something much worse – people choosing to stop giving and receiving altogether!

This is an open letter to all who endeavour to communicate with me on sexual topics. There are some words and phrases which really bother me, so in the spirit of fair play, I’ve highlighted the worst to save future offense.

“Man up” – apparently I need to grow testicles if I want to be brave or take on a challenge. In the case of a naked challenge – I think that would be quite off-putting for all of us involved if I suddenly sprouted a pair.

“Giving head” – lady parts don’t have a nominated head, so what does this even mean???

“Fuck buddy” – This is my current pet peeve. I personally don’t describe anyone as a buddy, so why would I suddenly have an entirely new category based on NSA sex? I can just about handle “friends with benefits” as it is often a very accurate description. However, when you are having NSA sex with someone who isn’t your friend; why not call it what it is? Say “lover”. Yes it seems a little grandiose for sweaty copulations, but it is dignified and poetic. It does not make you sound like a pair of college room mates or inane teenagers on a drinking binge.

“Pussy”- This word just bugs me. I can’t really articulate why, but it comes with a pretty strong icky factor. I find it the language equivalent of a fire extinguisher on my passion.

“Boobies” – similar to pussy, just icky. Too close to baby talk as well. We are doing grown up things, use grown up names for my anatomy – tits, boobs and breasts are all acceptable.

However, an absolute favourite word of mine:

“Moist” – descriptive and a lovely feeling to say. Moist… moist, moist. Even better, it is believed to have its root in “musteus” the latin for juicy. Delicious, isn’t it?

What is the colour of your love(making)? According to a British survey, if you want to increase your chances of gettin’ some in the bedroom, you should plaster your walls in purple. Seems those of you who fancy the royal colour are having “intimate encounters” an average of 3.49 times per week.

I can see, partly, how some of this makes sense. Purple has long been associated with sex. Hickeys are kinda purple. Cocks can get kinda purple. A good spanking session can leave some purple marks. So, are we naturally inclined to purple as a sexual colour?

At the bottom of the list of carnal colours is grey. If you want to decorate your boudoir in grey tones, expect to be getting lots of sleep in there.

Personally speaking, I am not at all fond of purple. Hate it actually. Maybe it is because my grandmother’s bathroom was decorated in a nauseating mauve for many years. Maybe it is because I associate it with the Pope.

Regardless, I do wonder if the people who live here suffer from chronic friction burns from all of the fucking they do.

–

My first reaction to this new condom wrapper was “Hey that’s a pretty good idea.”

Then I stopped. I thought. And I realized that if the need for a one handed condom is a massive concern for people, then maybe they need to consider their sex.

I can’t say I ever had much trouble opening condom wrappers. Yes, some brands were harder than others, but if I wanted to get laid, then I took the time, took my two hands and unleashed that latex.

If my hands were slippery, I wiped them on whatever was closest.

If we were in the throes of something I either waited or just stopped.

This product makes it seem like you can rip open and apply condom to cock with one hand. Unfortunately they are forgetting the whole “pinch the tip” thing. You know, safe practice?

Oh, and don’t those plastic ridges look a little rough? Don’t they look like they could catch and tear?

So, when I stop and think about it, I see lots of potential flaws. But what I see most is that if you’re too bloody impatient to use two hands to open up a condom wrapper, maybe you’re not taking enough time to consider the sex you’re about to have. Sure, heat of the moment and all, but taking 10 extra seconds to ensure you properly open and wrap that thing up is IMPORTANT. Don’t be a lazy fuck. Just like sex, you can rarely do it properly with just one hand.

–

Is there a tipping point when it comes to maintaining important discussion in the public realm while at the same time respecting religious beliefs? And would somebody please think of the children!

With schools back in session, students will be learning, discovering and exploring. New worlds of information and analysis will open up to them. They’ll be exhilarated, awed and often confused. They’ll need guiding lights to help them understand all of the information—from math to language to science to society—that will be lain down before them.

Who should be the ones to help them understand it all?

Evidently, this is what some parents wish their kids were learning at school.

A group of conservative religious folks, Christian and Muslim, believe they should have a say in what their children learn in school. And whenever a “sensitive subject” is coming up, a letter should be sent home “warning” of this. The parents can then decide if that subject matter is something that their children should learn about—in school or anywhere else.

Some of the topics this group are concerned about (which varies among the faiths) include: homosexuality, birth control, wizardry, evolution and “environmental worship.”

And I was hoping my Grade Nine class “Hairy Poofter and the Darwin Pill” would get accepted into Ontario curriculum.

Regardless, it is time conservatives and religious groups understand and accept that the children of 2012 and beyond need as much reasoned information as possible. About these “sensitive subjects” and many more. I still mourn the loss of the progressive sex education that was proposed and then scrapped by the Ontario government.

Anyone is welcome to religion. And faith. And beliefs.

However, when you start to influence public policy, in this case education, then you are doing a disservice to everyone, by bringing up misinformed children.

Hey CoCo,

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a few months and we recently had sex for the first time. Before this happened I was a virgin so although we messed around we saved the big deed for a special night. He has a little more experience which I’m actually pretty grateful for. He really makes it all feel fantastic … except for one thing – the actual penetration part. We’ve done this three times now and it always ends in disaster. Either I’m underwhelmed or worse, it’s really painful. I’d like to enjoy all aspects of sex with my boyfriend but it seems like I’m never going to like penetration. Is there anything I can do to get better at sex?

Foreplay Is Fun…Initially

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Hi FIFI,

Ok, take a deep breath! Everything’s going to be all right. Girl, you are not alone.

Lots of women find P-in-V sex underwhelming (sorry guys!). In fact it’s estimated that as much as 75% of the female population does not orgasm from penetration alone. Most of our nerve endings are concentrated in the clitoris which can be under stimulated during intercourse. The vagina has relatively few nerve endings and isn’t as big of a deal orgasm-wise. Pain during intercourse is also more common than you’d think. Luckily, there is lots you can do to make sex feel better…

Make sure you are ready for intercourse and totally turned on. The vagina becomes more elastic as you become aroused and it actually lengthens and balloons out at the back to make penetration easier. Pound for pound women have just as much genital erectile tissue as men (ours is just internal) so you should BOTH get hard before you even think about sticking it in.

Get lubed up! Some women naturally produce enough lubrication to make sex slippery and comfortable but some of us do not. Even women who get really juicy won’t necessarily be able to turn on the waterworks every time. The amount of lubrication we produce changes from day to day depending on a lot of different factors (hormones, hydration etc…). Try using a store-bought lubricant to reduce friction and make penetration more comfortable. There are lots to choose from so get out there and find one you like. I wrote a lube primer a while back that you might find handy.

Masturbate or use a vibrator on your clitoris during penetration. This will mean that both you and your partner are getting the pleasure you deserve. After all fair is fair. Why should he get off when you don’t?

Explore your g-spot! Many women find that hitting up the g-spot during intercourse gives them more bang for their buck. The G-Spot is a sponge that wraps around your urethra and it makes this magic elixir as you get turned on. Then it gets all big and sensitive and it hangs low enough that you can push on it through the front wall of the vagina. You can also use a curved toy or ask your boyfriend to do a “come here” motion with his fingers. Try it out. Honestly, the sensation can take some getting used to and it may not feel pleasurable right away. Actually, it might feel like you need to whiz, but don’t worry, there won’t be any golden showers! The fluid some women expel during “female ejaculation” is clear, odorless and uh… not pee.

Try different positions. The position used during sexy time can greatly affect how comfortable and pleasurable it feels. Experiment with positions that give you more control like “woman on top” or ones that stimulate your g-spot like ‘doggy-style.”

And sometimes you don't. So try focusing less on intercourse.

Focus less on intercourse. It’s not the end all be all and there are lots of couples who choose not to make penetration the highlight of the night. Do more of the things you like and explore different ways of adding pleasure and stimulation for your partner as well. The sky’s the limit when it comes to sexual pleasure and P-in-V often gets more prominence in our sex lives than it necessarily deserves. Even if you don’t want to give up on the idea of pain-free sex, taking intercourse off the menu for a little while can be a really good thing. It tones down the pressure and guilt and frees you up to enjoy, explore and experiment.

If these suggestions don’t help you might want to check in with your doctor about conditions like vaginismus or vulvodynia that can lead to pelvic pain during intercourse. There are solutions out there so don’t panic. Enjoy your awesome sex life and Good Luck!

This week Full Frontal Nerdity returns after an extended break. Apologies for the unforeseen absence, but I have a typically controversial topic as penance to kick things back off with.

How is homosexuality portrayed in the Bible?

There are a number of mentions in the Old Testament, and absolutely none whatsoever in the New Testament. So anyone who is wondering “What Jesus said” can be reassured that Jesus said absolutely nothing about it. So any placard waving evangelical types can rest easy that Jesus had no problem at all with same sex relations.

As my Christian friends tell me that Jesus died for our sins and therefore the Old Testament rules no longer apply, perhaps we can leave it there; but as I have already done the research on the Leviticus and Corinthians quotes – we’ll cover them off too.

Much of the debate is around the interpretation of biblical text, on top of the translation from Hebrew to Greek to English / French / German / etc that has been undergone over the years. Some of this can be laid to rest by considering the cultural norms of the society at the time of the document or later translation, and others by looking at the use of language in the surrounding passages.

Let’s start with Leviticus. This was a list of guidelines for the “modern Hebrew man” to live by at the time. Here homosexuality is mentioned twice, though it is the use of the word “abomination” that is so oft shrieked by preachers taking a stance of bigotry.

Lev. 18:22,

You shall not lie with a male as one lies with a female; it is an abomination.

Lev. 20:13,

If there is a man who lies with a male as those who lie with a woman, both of them have committed a detestable act; they shall surely be put to death. Their bloodguiltness is upon them.

Leviticus uses the word “abomination” a lot. It is not defining something as evil (as per the English meaning of the word) but as something ritually unclean, or against the social norms. This might explain why other acts such as eating shellfish, trimming one’s beard and wearing mixed cloth are also listed as abominations. Notably, all of these abominations are mentioned again in Deutoronomy, except homosexuality. That isn’t repeated in the rule book… So it is apparently not as important as mixing linen with cotton or having a prawn sandwich in the eyes of the Old Testament authors.

Leviticus 20 refers to the highest sins, for which there should be a death penalty. Numero Uno is idolatry. For context, those pin up calendars, worship of sport heros, etc., in biblical terms, are a capital offenses.

So far, I’m building up a picture of a synthetic fibre sports jersey and denim jeans wearing clean shaven chap who regularly heads to the crab shack after catching the game making up the seventh circle of Dante’s hell. In fact, I might go and take my ABOMINATION placard to the nearest Gap store to see if I can save a few souls by enlisting them to a one fibre dress code.

Let’s leave poor Chad (our damned sports fan) for a moment and return to our comparison of Leviticus to Deuteronomy. As we have discovered, homosexuality is a notable exception in the otherwise complete repetition between the two Books. In its place, there is the punishment of male temple prostitution by death. Potentially what was meant originally in Leviticus before translation and the modern trend for literalism. Otherwise maybe Deutoronomy is a deliberate change, regardless looking at the verses in the broader context – it does minimise the severity of the Biblical condemnation when compared to the other items in the rule book.

There are further mentions of homosexuality in Corinthians and Romans, which we’ll look at in the next issue of Full Frontal Nerdity. But just in case you still aren’t convinced that the book of Leviticus should be taken with a grain of salt, I’ll leave you with His words on menstruation…

Lev. 15:19-30,

And if a woman have an issue, and her issue in her flesh be blood, she shall be put apart seven days: and whosoever toucheth her shall be unclean until the even. And every thing that she lieth upon in her separation shall be unclean: every thing also that she sitteth upon shall be unclean. And whosoever toucheth her bed shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even. And whosoever toucheth any thing that she sat upon shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even. And if it be on her bed, or on any thing whereon she sitteth, when he toucheth it, he shall be unclean until the even. And if any man lie with her at all, and her flowers be upon him, he shall be unclean seven days; and all the bed whereon he lieth shall be unclean. And if a woman have an issue of her blood many days out of the time of her separation, or if it run beyond the time of her separation; all the days of the issue of her uncleanness shall be as the days of her separation: she shall be unclean. Every bed whereon she lieth all the days of her issue shall be unto her as the bed of her separation: and whatsoever she sitteth upon shall be unclean, as the uncleanness of her separation. And whosoever toucheth those things shall be unclean, and shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even. But if she be cleansed of her issue, then she shall number to herself seven days, and after that she shall be clean. And on the eighth day she shall take unto her two turtles, or two young pigeons, and bring them unto the priest, to the door of the tabernacle of the congregation. And the priest shall offer the one for a sin offering, and the other for a burnt offering; and the priest shall make an atonement for her before the LORD for the issue of her uncleanness.

Lev. 20:18,

And if a man shall lie with a woman having her sickness, and shall uncover her nakedness; he hath discovered her fountain, and she hath uncovered the fountain of her blood: and both of them shall be cut off from among their people.

I’m no great fan of pigeons, but if it takes the sacrifice of two for every women’s monthly visitor – they might have gone the way of the dodo by now.

Hey CoCo,

My question is simple but I gotta ask. Can you please tell me what the heck is up with all the lubes, oils and magic potions that I see in the sex shops? There are just too many options and it’s hard for me to find something I consistently like. I’ve used things that burned, got sticky, stained sheets, felt gross or dried up too fast, I feel like I never know what I’m going to get.  So please enlighten me as to what all these things are, why they’re all so different and what the hell is in them?

Slippery When Wet

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Hey Slippery,

Not to worry, CoCo is coming to your rescue. I’ve heard many times that lubricants are confusing and I agree. There are a ton of bottles and tubes crammed together on the shelf and the ingredient list is fairly meaningless if you don’t know what you’re looking for. To top it all off, tricksy retailers are always switching out the brand you’ve finally settled on for something new. Why?  Because they have no idea what criteria you, the customer, are using to select your preferred brand so they switch and hope and pray. Of course, having an informed consumer who knows what they want in a lube would surely make things easier for everyone involved. Here goes…

This is a basic primer to what’s on the shelf. Print it out, take it with you and share it with your friends.  They’ll think you’re weird but ‘good’ weird, ok?

Lube: A slippery substance that helps facilitate motion without friction. Great for intercourse, masturbation, toys, anal sex, massage the list goes on…Formulas for lube can be based on water, silicone or oil.

Water-based: This is the most common type of lube and it feels the most natural. It comes in thick or thin formulations. The general rule is that thicker lube means less friction. Thick formulas are great for anal sex or easily irritated vaginas. Thick lube also applies better to toys; thin lube just drips off. Some water-based lubes get sticky and you may hate that. It’s caused by a natural, slippery ingredient named glycerine. Basically, as you use the lube the water evaporates, if the main slippery agent left behind is sticky without water (which glycerine is) then you end up sticky. Lube companies like using glycerine because it’s safe and inexpensive, unfortunately it’s also a form of sugar which is bad news for folks with chronic candida or vaginosis. If you think your lube is giving you yeast-infections or you just don’t like the sticky feeling then choose one that is glycerine-free. There are plenty of options. You can also find organic and paraben-free options. Water-based lube is safe with condoms and toys.

Silicone-based: This type inspires fierce love. Why? It lasts longer than water-based lube (no evaporation), it never gets sticky (no glycerine) and it’s Ph neutral and non-irritating, plus it has no taste or smell. It does have a slick, oily feel which you either love or hate. This lube also comes in thick or thin formulations and is great for all sorts of uses. The drawbacks are:  It should not be used with silicone toys (they’re chemically similar so the lube will bond to the surface and not wash off); you may need to rinse off the excess with soap afterwards; also, it might stain your sheets, depending on the brand.  Silicone-based lube is safe with condoms and with most toys. Bonus: it’s waterproof so you can use it in the shower. Dimethicone, dimethiconol and cyclopentasiloxane are all forms of silicone you might find in your lube.

Blends: Some popular lubes have a water base with silicone emulsified in. This is the best of both worlds. The lube never gets sticky, it lasts longer, and you can use it with all types of toys.

Oil-based: I pretty much never recommend oil lubes. Stick to using these for body massage only.  Silicone lube is way superior and feels very similar. Oil is difficult for the body to clean out so it can trap bacteria in the vagina and lead to infections. It will definitely stain your sheets. Worst of all, it will render your condoms useless if even a little bit of it touches them. Guys can use it for solo masturbation in a pinch and that’s about it. Most toys hate it.

Hmmm...the verdict is still out on this.

Sensation enhancers: Otherwise known as clit cream (although they’re for all genders). These creams and sprays usually contain menthol, peppermint oil or L-Arginine and they will create a cool, warm or tingly sensation as well as increase the blood flow to the area where they are applied. Some folks love these and find that it makes sex extra special. Other folks are sensitive to those ingredients and feel like their privates are burning off. Use caution: start with a small amount and DO NOT use water if it burns you; try wiping it off with a neutral cream instead. These are concentrated products NOT meant to be used as lube.

Warming Lubes: Warming lubes use the same active ingredients mentioned above in lower concentrations. They are usually water-based but not always. Some warming lubes just use super huge amounts of glycerine (which naturally has a warming effect) so watch out if you’re prone to yeast.  Always test warming lubes first in case you are sensitive to the ingredients.

Flavoured Lubes: These usually use a ton of glycerine which has a naturally sweet flavour but makes the lube a little syrup-y in texture. Glycerine-free versions are hard to find. In any case, you should never put this type of lube inside a vagina as they have a lot of sugar and dye in them. They’re for oral sex/ external use only.

Hope that helps Slippery. Now you’re a lube expert! Use this information wisely and all your wet dreams will come true.

Love, CoCo

What is going on in the world?

That’s not a question I often ask since I pay little attention to the goings on outside of my glass bubble. But last week a British MP from the Conservative Party proposed legislation that can only be described as a HUGE step backwards. Nadine Dorries put forward a bill that would require schools to teach girls BUT NOT BOYS the value of abstaining from sex.

Shall I list the number of ways I am appalled by this…

One – The push for abstinence only sex education has made the US in the lead in teenage pregnancies in the Western world. Britain is still number one in Europe, so do we really need to rise further up the ranks?

Two – Just girls? Really? Because girls are an object of sexual desire and not creatures of sexual desire themselves? Or because teenage boys can’t help themselves, whereas girls so OBVIOUSLY should be able to? Surely this is just a way of encouraging the worst status-quo in gender politics; specifically that for boys sleeping around is good and girls who do the same are just sluts or fallen women.

Three – Just ARGH. Seriously, I was so angry about this as a concept I found it difficult to verbalise why. And to add insult to injury last Friday I was out of London and therefore unable to join the protest outside the Houses of Parliament against this bill.

Fortunately, for my sanity, the bill was withdrawn and common sense has prevailed. The very fact that the bill was viewed as highly controversial gives me some hope that Britain is moving towards more gender equality, and also becoming a little bit more sexually positive with respect to education as well.

Ah well, at least over here we don’t have awkward televised debates between Republican candidates on contraception. So it just goes to show that it could be worse…

Mind you it could be a lot better. In March 2010, Johanna Sigurdardottir Iceland’s female Prime Minister, banned strip clubs. And topless waitresses. And a lot of other nudey things, as it is illegal to profit from employee’s nudity in any way, shape or form. Please note this isn’t at all like US states with no table dancing. There is no supposed religious reason behind it all. This is a piece of purely feminist legislation; based on the concept that women are not property and should not be traded or sold in any way, shape or form. Refreshingly simple.

Prostitiution was already criminilised in Iceland, and the belief that many of these clubs operated as fronts for brothels was at the heart of the matter. Here in the UK there is some debate even among feminists onwhether prostitution should be legalised.

I understand that there is an argument of freedom to do as you please, and if that includes profiting on your looks or sexuality then perhaps that should be taken into account. However, the Icelandic ban was not imposed on women, it was created and campaigned for women by women, and as such should be celebrated whatever your personal stance.