As much like my buddy Sam, I don’t put much stock in the New Year’s Resolution hype, this one is going to be short and sweet. You see, I believe that the reassessment and reflection that generally manifests outwardly as new found resolve to get one’s house in order on an annual basis around this time, should happen time and time again throughout the entire year. But let me get down of my soapbox and do what I came here to do.

I, Ms. Blue, resolve to…

Stop being a chicken shit in 2012 and take action on fulfilling my two biggest sexual fantasies.

Now, I’m not going to get into the nitty gritty of either of them here, but I will say this. One requires two other (ideally well muscled and very erect *ahem*) bedmates, while the other will require me to pitch instead of receive. (In case you haven’t been tracking my every sexual want and desire on this blog – which begs the question why not, but I digress – read this and this for further details). So, today I’m making a promise to myself – with all of you as my witnesses – to spend the next year working hard to be as:

1. Shameless as Mr. Sharpe (although I may be kidding myself, because at times his flagrance is off the charts)
2. Revolutionary (both figuratively and literally) as our inventive sexual maverick, Elizabeth Rose

As I work toward my goal of achieving maximum sexual fulfillment.

And, I’m happy to report that I’m already on my way – at least with respect to my pitching fantasy. Over the holidays I took a trip to Come As You Are, a local sex shop here and I picked up a rather smashing leather harness and dildo. They are in a word…beautiful. No?

I promise to share the details…well, on second thought, perhaps only the highlights (yep, I’ve still got a long way to go with the shameless thing – assuming posting pics of one’s sex toys online doesn’t count) with you as soon as I get the job done.

Till next time,

SB

P.S. Just in case they’re any men out there (who live in the GTA – though I do thank the slew of European gents who’ve offered themselves up in the past) who think they’d like to help make my ‘sex fantasy come true’, feel free to shoot a coupon like the one at the top of the post (sans the cheesy rose) to our me via email: info at met another frog dot com. What?…You didn’t expect me to not take advantage of the captive audience we have here did you?

“A friend in need is a friend indeed.” – Old school proverb

Some of you dear readers may have been wondering where I have been lately, while others – dare I say most of you – likely haven’t even noticed my recent absence from our prose based relationship. And if you fall into the latter camp I have three words for you:

Shame on you!

But for the benefit of those of you who actually care I have an explanation for being M.I.A.

I am on a sabbatical that came about due to a rather unexpected event: one which leaves me in some difficulty to ably communicate with all of you. Frankly, it’s a tad on the embarrassing side. But since I am here at Met Another Frog and therefore among friends, who like to over-share, I may as well tell you.

You see, like any good slut, I live alone. Not in the cat lady sense of alone, but more in an “I enjoy walking around naked” sort of way. As one would expect I like to be joined by random men in my nudity, which of course would make house mates somewhat tense. A previous house sharing adventure ended quickly after her mother came to visit and entered the kitchen just as one of my visitors was cumming. Terribly upsetting for the poor chap as he was fulfilling a fantasy to take me up against the kitchen sink, while wearing nothing but an apron and a pair of marigolds. I don’t think his fantasy included a sweet old dear in a cardigan shrieking from the doorway and then passing out. It was a bit of an overreaction on her part. I expect my mother would have seen the funny side (since it was the gentleman who was in the apron and marigolds, not I).

Anyway, I digress, which is much easier than usual as I am actually dictating this missive. You see I have hurt myself, not fatally, but badly enough to prevent me typing much for the next couple of months while I heal. In my professional life – and you may be surprised that I have one which doesn’t involve street corners, lingerie as a uniform or “bunga-bunga” style parties – I have not told the truth about my injury. I believe I lied and told folks I fell.

I didn’t, I was in fact checking the installation of my latest gadget / toy. An add on to the love swing that I keep in my spare room.

My love swing is A.W.E.S.O.M.E. It has inspired me to start saving for a commercial flight to space so I can experience zero-G sex. But my British inventor streak span out of control a little bit…

I may have watched a few too many theatrical pornos.

I may have spent a long and virtually sleepless night flipping through the pictures in the Karma Sutra…again.

Because, one morning I awoke with an ingenious plan.

I Elizabeth Rose was going to design and create a…

Cock Spinner.

What exactly is a cock spinner you ask? Dear readers, imagine this…

As I dangle from my swing, impaled by my partner’s penis (keeping arms and legs inside the vehicle of course), while as he lays on his back on what can only be described as a giant pottery wheel. Now, here’s the trick. While I gently bounce up and down, he slowly spins beneath me, giving an almost “Rabbit” effect with a real live penis. Admit it – you are both intrigued and amazed by my sexual brilliance.

Anyway, I decided to invest in my gadgetry. After it was installed, I conducted some component testing and then had my first “live” run with a rather burly rugby chap. He had a good sized bit of equipment which I thought would be perfect to anchor myself on as we both got acclimatized to the spin and bounce action. Also he was an engineer, and I was desperate to show off my design to someone who would appreciate it on all levels.

After some time spent marvelling at the creativity and ingenuity behind my invention, we spent even more time marvelling at its capabilities as a great sex aid. He was spinning himself around by walking his feet on the floor as the motor wasn’t quite powerful enough to shift his bulk (a small and completely fixable technical glitch!). I was merrily dangling ass first in blissful penetration when we both started to climax. It was a good powerful crescendo which resulted in my partner-in-the-sublime reaching up and grabbing my arm.

It’s an understandable reaction. I don’t blame him for waiting to touch me – I think it was actually my breast he was going for. But as he took hold with an orgasmic rigour, I got tangled in my swing, he kept spinning around, and something went pop. My arm was suddenly white hot with pain that I could neither articulate, nor free myself from. The rest is somewhat cloudy, but I believe the chap was kind enough to lift me off his cock, cut me out of the swing straps, clothe me, wrap me in a dressing gown and drive me to a local A&E (the emergency room). He did leave me there to explain it myself, but who can blame him.

So turns out, I dislocated my shoulder and fractured some additional bones in the process. I had to talk to a social worker about domestic abuse since the bruise came up in the shape of a hand print quite swiftly. (At that point I was very pleased that my engineering Casanova had already exited stage left).

Quite the sex injury and story, to say the least. I have told most folks in my life that I fell on the ice outside a tube station, so only you know the truth. Well you all, the penis owner who caused it, and the handy man that came to help me dismantle my swing and wheel contraption before a family visit over Christmas. (He’s a very handy man – in all the best possible ways. He’s volunteered to try out the next model of my gadget as well as assist in some “pain relief” during my convalescence. Actually he’s even typing this up for me, so I probably should say more lovely things about him, but I wouldn’t want him to get too big for his boots.)

There you are my friends. I was at the cutting edge of sexual experimentation, and I took a bit of an injury for it. I’ll be back on occasion in the months while I heal, but rest assured I am in good hands.

Happy Holidays everyone!

People, today is a really special day. You wanna know why? Well, for the first time ever, Secrets From the Goody Drawer actually has some goodies in it – and not the fictional variety either.

That’s right all, we’ve got not one but two sex toys to give away. And not just your run of the mill dildo or vibe. Nope. What we here at MetAnotherFrog.com have got our hot and horny little hands on are not one, but two of the world’s most popular and eco-sexy vibes for couples. The new and very much improved…

We-Vibe 3

What is a We-Vibe 3

Now for the benefit of anyone out there who’s scratching their head saying “WTF is a We-Vibe?” allow me to tell you all a little bit about this ecstasy inducing product that more than two million people in over 50 countries are using to add a whole lot of spice to their horizontal time. (FYI: I am among those two million people and let me tell you We-Vibe are the bees knees of sex toys. Just sayin’.)

The We-Vibe 3 is an incredibly innovative, highly flexible C-shaped vibrator made of 100% body-safe medical grade silicone, and the latest edition the We-Vibe brand. Designed to be worn by women during sex, this product provides stimulation to both the G-spot and clitoris, while also leaving enough room for their bed mates get in on all the good vibes and pleasure.

As with all We-Vibe products, the newest addition to the We-Vibe family upholds the brand’s commitment to comfort, safety, and sustainability, featuring a long- lasting rechargeable battery and a charger unit that doubles as a carrying case. And the people folks behind We-Vibe were definitely thinking when they designed the carrying case. At a casual glance it is easily be mistaken for an air freshener (as per the image of mine below) , which means you can discreetly keep it at the ready, charging on your nightstand without worrying about anyone stumbling upon your goodies – BONUS!

What’s more this relatively small toy is equipped with two custom-engineered, whisper quiet motors that offer 40% more vibration power than previous models, in addition to six thrilling vibration modes to choose from. Plus, it’s completely waterproof design makes it the perfect toy for those who enjoy playtime outside the bedroom and no fuss cleanups. But best of all, every We-Vibe 3 comes with its own wireless remote control that allows couples (or self-lovin’ single gals) to conveniently select their desired vibration modes without having to kill the mood or the momentum mid diddle to adjust its settings. Talk about sharing the pleasure!

What You Need to Do to Win A We-Vibe3

So now that I’ve let you in on the joys of a We-Vibe 3 I bet you’re all asking yourselves

“How can I get my hands on one of those free We-Vibe joints?”

Well, you could head out to your local or fave web-based sex toy shop and drop the $149.00 necessary to snag your very own We-Vibe. But why do that when we’re giving two away for FREE: especially when all we’re asking to do is do what we do best. Namely over share about your sex life and/or sexual fantasies (and no, I’m not kidding!) by telling us the following on or before Friday, January 13, 2012:

How you and your bed buddy of choice plan to make use of a We-Vibe 3, when you get it in your own hot and horny hands?

Yep folks, we need you to get creative and share your own story and/or fantasy that involves you, your favourite horizontal mambo partner and a We-Vibe 3 in order to win. And since we like to be as inclusive as possible here at MetAnotherFrog.com, and we recognize that some of you out there are better talkers than writers, we’re accepting written and video submissions, with one of two We-Vibe 3’s going to the best submission (as voted on by the MetAnotherFrog.com team) in each category.

Now here are the guidelines.

1. Written submissions – prose or poetry – must have a word count of 400-1500 words.
2. Video submissions must be a maximum of three minutes long (featuring you gabbing away about how you plan to use your We-Vibe 3 – no live action demos, please and thanks.)
3. Include the author’s/producer’s name, url (as applicable) and mailing address.
4. Be submitted on or before the submission deadline of Friday January 13, 2012 to info at metanotherfrog dot com.

Alright people, we’re looking forward to seeing all your submissions as we know some of you out there are going to bring the sexy and the funny with your stories – and we can’t wait to see what you come up with.  Okay, I’m going to sign off, as that’s all I’ve got for you today.

Till Next Time,

SB

P.S. One more quick thing. Can I ask you all to do me one small favour before I go? Please help us spread the word about this contest by telling your friends, coworkers and any family members you won’t traumatize about it. Thank you.

As my very wise blogging buddy stated yesterday, for many of us sex and religion, are often (unwittingly) intertwined. Though I’ve never been a bedroom blasphemer (I’m more of a lover’s name type. And no, I’ve never gotten a name wrong…at least not yet) I have:

* Enjoyed corrupting of a ‘staunch’ Christian man or two  (more on that later this month)

* Avidly followed the never-ending run of sex scandals involving prominent religious figures (particularly those in the “I’m-not-gay-or-questioning-but-I-like-to-sleep-with-male-prostitutes” camp – can I get an amen, Reverend Haggard?) ;

and

* Have been known to spend hours in front on my computer reading every page of sites dedicated to the discussion of religion (for the most part Christianity) and sex.

So, tonight I’m going to share just a few of the links to some of the most interesting (at least IMO) sexy (?) religious sites and news stories I’ve found to date…

–

Christian Nymphos – I first stumbled across this site way back when Met Another Frog first entered the blogosphere. At first I was shocked. I mean, based on my limited experience with Christianity, the name of the site was an oxymoron. Still I was intrigued, so I kept reading and soon discovered that the folks over at CN – who offer up all kinds of tips to their audience, including ‘position of the week’ and oral sex techniques – are very serious about their mission to: teach married women to walk in sexual freedom with their husbands, so they will be able to reach out and help free the women in their lives. God bless the creators of the site for doing their part to make sure our Christian sisters are gettin’ it real good.

I so want this t-shirt.

Support Christian Porn – Yep, you read that right. And no, I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried. Although the site now seems to be defunct (very surprising as I’m sure there’s a high demand for wholesome Christian porn), I was truly amazed by this site, its motto (Filmed Procreation. The way God Intended) and their claim that the films they produce feature “No extramarital sex, unless it illustrates the downfall of adultery” (who doesn’t appreciate some sin free porn?). And bonus, they’ve even got merchandise. Perhaps if someone over there ever gets around to responding to the email I sent, I’ll order a t-shirt.

Pole Dancing For Jesus – This story right here, which broke in March of this year, is one I’m sure nobody saw coming. But I have to say I wasn’t surprised. I mean with Christian nymphos and porn producers now inhabiting cyberspace, this was bound to happen. Besides, what’s the harm in a little pole dancing to gospel music after a sitting through a sermon at church to celebrate your connection to Christ?

XXXChurch.com – Pastor Craig Gross is the force behind this non-profit organization – ironically billed as the #1 Christian porn site – which is dedicated to helping those who struggle with addictions to sex, pornography and even masturbation. XXX Church targets consumers and those in the adult entertainment industry. In fact, Pastor Gross and his team make a habit of attending the porn conventions (where they hand out Bibles that declare Jesus Loves Porn Stars), hosting ‘Porn and Pancake’ breakfasts, travelling around in their ‘porn mobile’, and holding debates at universities – featuring the likes of Ron Jeremy – to reach their audience. Talk about thwarting convention.

JC’s Girls – Not to be outdone by the boyz at the XXX church, Heather Veitch, former Vegas stripper, founded JC’s Girls (that would be Jesus Christ’s Girls) – an international, faith based organization – in 2005. Their mission? To share God’s love with the many beautiful women in the adult entertainment industry, in hopes that they discover and strengthen their personal relationship with God.

The Jackhammeer Jesus sex toy

The ladies of JC’s Girls spread the good word by visiting local strip clubs to extend an invitation to attend church, in a friendly and nonjudgmental way, to the women working there. Turns out the stripper with a heart of gold isn’t just a silly Hollywood cliché after all.

Divine Interventions – Okay, I’ve saved my fave site for last. Have you been searching for the perfect sex toy? One that will help move past any feelings of guilt and shame about sex imposed upon you as a kid? If so, Divine Interventions, a site offering a range of hand crafted religious and non-denominational sex toys – with names like Jackhammer Jesus, Buddha’s delight and Bible Thumper – to the masses.

–

And there you have it folks. Whether you’re Christ worshipping ‘I can’t get enough’ married woman, porn lover or a recovering sex addict there’s something out there on the worldwide web for you. Praise be to God.

UK based ladies (or those willing to travel for a really good competition!) we have some exciting news for you!

~~~~

Ann Summers announces ITV2 team up as the lingerie giant begins the hunt for Britain’s sexiest face…

If you’re like most of us, then you probably won’t have had the chance to strut your stuff on the catwalks of this season’s prestigious London Fashion Week. But fear not, because Ann Summers and ITV2 have teamed up to give you the chance to be the face of Ann Summers for the spring/summer 2012 season and model lingerie from Ann Summers!

With lingerie at Ann Summers and the company itself having undergone some very significant rebranding in the past year-and-a-half, the British lingerie and sex toy giant has now partnered up with ITV2 to work on a tailor-made campaign and produce its first-ever TV advert. And not only this, but Ann Summers is inviting Britain’s bevy of beautiful women to join it in its quest for the sexiest face in the UK.

So what exactly is Ann Summers doing?

With the primary focus of Ann Summers’ campaign being the customer, it’s going to begin the campaign with a nationwide road show with ITV2 to hunt down some of the hottest honeys across the country, and will be visiting the UK’s most significant shopping centres between 22 September and 2 October, hitting Manchester’s Trafford Centre, Birmingham’s Bullring, Lakeside Essex, and Westfield Stratford City.

After a long and no doubt successful search across the country, Ann Summers will choose the most beautiful women it can find to train in the ways of model-like strutting and pouting – perhaps even showcasing sex toys from Ann Summers! These lucky ladies will then star in an advert which will be aired in the final episode of ITV2’s Bafta-award-winning The Only Way is Essex, after which viewers will vote for the beauty most deserving of a place as the face of the Ann Summers spring/summer 2012 campaign.

With 10-second teaser spots running exclusively across ITV2, the Great British public will be enticed to stay tuned in to watch the big finale.

How do you enter?

To be in with a chance of winning an appearance in Ann Summers’ TV advert, nationwide store window messaging and the company’s SS12 fashion campaign, entrants must supply full personal/contact details, up to three images and a video, 100 words about themselves, 100 words about why they should appear in Ann Summers’ TV campaign, and 100 words about what they think is sexy. And there are various ways you luscious girls can enter: either via the roadshows, www.sexyuncovered.com, facebook.com/AnnSummersOfficial, or the dedicated iPhone app, ‘Sexy On TV’.

Chief Executive of Ann Summers, Jacqueline Gold, said: “I am so excited about this campaign and working with ITV2. This is our first ever TV campaign and I am positive that our customers both old and new will be enticed in to store and online to see our fabulous new product as a result. Our customers are some of the most passionate on the high street and embody everything that Ann Summers stands for. I can’t wait to see them strut their stuff and show us all what sexy really is.”

ITV’s Group Commercial Sales Director, Simon Daglish, added: “We’re really excited about this partnership with Ann Summers which ultimately see them on TV for the very first time. It’s a great example of us being able to work with clients to really bring innovative and entertaining advertising to life which is the best way to drive response and engagement for our customers.”

~~~~

While this competition won’t reach our North American counterparts – and perhaps even some UK ladies aren’t looking to start their modelling career just yet – we here at Met Another Frog are genuinely excited about the fact a well known brand selling lingerie and sex toys is making a TV debut. It might not be a man-on-the-moon giant leap for mankind, but it’s one hell of a step forward.

Hey CoCo,

My boyfriend and I are a pretty adventurous couple (we met at a wilderness survival camp) and we’ve decided to put our natural curiosity to good use in the bedroom. We’ve tried toys, edible lubes, blindfolds, feather ticklers…basically everything in the vanilla section of your average sex shop. We’ve realized through playing around that there’s a lot of stuff we like that…well, we never actually thought we’d like. This brings me in a roundabout way to my question. There is one taboo that is next on my list. I would love to stick something in my boyfriend’s butt. I’ve heard that it reduces men to quivering piles of jelly and since I kinda like being in charge this really appeals to me. My boyfriend has never shown any interest in this and usually completely ignores the Toys for Boys in the butt section of our local fun shop. How would you suggest I go about getting him to try this? Is there anything I should know about making it feel good?

Backdoor Explorer

–

Hey Backdoor! Kudos to you for bringing your sense of adventure to your sex life. Our sexual psyches are really the ultimate wilderness which means that while you might discover something completely new and unexpected, you also really have no idea where the hell you’re going.

So ok, you want to stick something in your BF’s butt. First off, let’s please make sure that whatever goes up there is an actual butt toy from a sex shop. Using any old thing you have lying around – cell phone, carrot, light bulb – is likely to result in a trip to the emergency room where the love of your life will be forced to endure a rather embarrassing examination along with the barely contained laughter of every nurse doctor and EMT he encounters. Proper butt toys have a flared base to stop them from going up, up, up and away into the far reaches of your colon. Think I’m kidding? Ask anyone you know who works in a hospital and they’ll confirm it.  People will stick just about anything in their ass instead of – horrors! – walking into a sex shop to get the right equipment. Is that lazy or what? Well, bad decisions will always bite you in the ass in the end.

Now that we have that out of the way let’s focus on the biggest issue: getting his permission. It is generally considered bad form to stick something in someone’s butt without their enthusiastic consent.  To get your BF’s consent, Backdoor, you have to bring up the subject and talk it out. Let him know you’ll be patient and gentle. Tell him that it’s a private act and that no one needs to know but the two of you.  Make sure he understands that he will really, really enjoy it.

He may not realize that his external anus is the second most sensitive part of his genitals (the head of the penis is first). He also may not realize that his prostate – the small gland in male butts that makes assplay especially pleasurable for boys –is dense with nerve endings that will send his orgasm into the stratosphere.

Here’s how it works:  as he gets excited this busy little gland starts filling up with ejaculatory fluid. On its way out of the penis this fluid mixes with sperm from the testicles creating the splooge we all know and love. Many guys think all that fluid comes from their balls, Backdoor, but balls are just where sperm hang out; this is why guys who get a vasectomy are still able to ejaculate fun, sperm-free spunk.  Applying pressure to the prostate with a finger, toy, light bulb etc…has the double whammy effect of providing extra deep, internal sensation and physically increasing the force of ejaculation. And yes, it will reduce him to a quivering pile of jelly. Butt play will also improve his health. He’ll learn how to relax his muscles, strengthen his pelvic floor and it’s more likely that issues with the prostate, such as cancerous enlargement, will be caught early. These are all great reasons to explore the land down under!

If he’s still hesitant, then grab a book or DVD and read/watch them together. That way he’ll be sure that you’ve learned your technique and he’ll get to see some hot, straight couples getting busy with it.  Check out Anal Pleasure & Health by Jack Morin, it’s the absolute bible on anal play. Red Hot Touch, a book by erotic massage experts Jaiya and Jon Hanauer, will give you great tips on exactly where, when and how to touch him. And to really get in the mood watch the Expert’s Guide to Anal Pleasure for Men by anal expert Tristan Taormino, it’s filled with great info and features hot porn stars in amazing scenes that are guaranteed to pique his curiosity. If he’s too shy to walk up to the sales clerk at your local sex shop and plonk down a prostate toy then save him the hassle and purchase one on your own or shop together online.

When you do finally get down to business don’t place the emphasis on penetration. Go slow and use anal massage techniques, external vibration and analingus (a.k.a. butt licking or rimming) to help him relax and learn to eroticize his butt. This takes time. Asses are not generally trusting at first. When you do try penetration for the first time use a finger or a very small toy and make sure to use a lubricant.  Gradually as his butt learns to relax you may be able to stick larger toys in there if that’s your goal.

Wouldn’t it be fun to strap on a dildo and work his butt like it owes you money while he enthusiastically cries out for more? Yes, I thought you’d like that!

Take your time and eventually you’ll get there. Healthy anal sex should always be pain-free.  Sphincter muscles are powerful and when relaxed they can expand to accommodate large items, but, when they’re contracted anal entry will be painful and difficult. In other words:  Do your part, be prepared, and let your BF set the pace. As long as he can open his mind he’ll eventually be able to open his ass up as well.

Love CoCo,

P.S.  For all you ladies worried about your manicure, or um…exactly what an ass tastes like, never fear!  You can use gloves and finger cots to protect your hands and dental dams (oral sex barriers) to protect your taste buds. You can also tell your man to hop in the shower and stick a soapy finger up his butt.  Actually everyone should do this no matter their gender. If you want someone to spend their precious time taking you to taking you to the heights of ecstasy, then the least you can do is wash your ass ok?

I don’t have much experience using sex toys. I suspect a lot of men could say the same; there seems to be some sort of “real men don’t” taboo surrounding sex toy usage among the straight male population. Outside of say, using a dildo or vibrator with or on a partner I’ve never had a straight male friend admit to using sex toys. And god knows I’m not well versed either. Well, that’s all about to change. As part of my sex life makeover and as part of my service to you dear froggers and frogettes, I, Sam Sharpe will test drive every male sex toy I can get my pervy hands on. Then I’ll report back to you all with my scientific findings. Oh, and feel free to give me suggestions or recommendations of what to try.

For my first foray into sex-toy-dom I decided to try the Tenga Egg Disposable Masturbator (part of the loot I received at the Feminist Porn Awards, let me take a moment to shout out the good people at Good For Her).  I decided I wanted to write about the experience in real time and since I only have two hands and I’m not ambidextrous, I convinced a lovely young lady to be my hand job accomplice. So, without further ado, I present to you my minute by minute report on the Tenga Egg:

1 min: So neither one of us knows what the f*ck is going on. We remove the “device” from its egg (It comes with its own lube!). The room seems a smidge too clinical so we dim the lights. Upon realizing the product is made in Japan my (Chinese) accomplice exclaims “It might not fit, maybe it’s made for little Japanese dicks!” Well then, stereotypes are in full effect tonight.

2 min: Okay, so we really don’t know what the f*ck is going on. After opening the lube packet we struggle to get the Tenga well lubricated. Good to see our combined 10 years of post secondary education is being put to good use. As she squeezes more lube into the Tenga my accomplice adds “ooh, it looks like an egg white” (have I told you guys that I don’t eat eggs?). I stuff my face with barbecue chips (What? I was hungry) and sip some of my water. I want to make sure I’m well hydrated.

3 min: We have achieved lift off. The tip of my semi erect penis is now covered by the Tenga. It looks like a mutant asparagus. Except tastier. And likely more nutritious ladies.

4 min: My accomplice, also known as the hand jobber, struggles to find her rhythm. I think the texture throws her off. My Tenga tipped penis looks like the extra terrestrial foetus from the Alien movies trying to force its way out of its unsuspecting human host. “Enough with the jokes” you say, “How does the thing feel Mr. Sharpe?” Well, it’s just okay. I’m not a big fan of hand jobs to be honest but the hand jobber does have a pretty good rhythm going. I hope she’s got good wrist endurance because I can count on my one potato chip filled hand the amount of times a woman has manually brought me to the Promised Land. She better be the Lance Armstrong of hand jobs.

5 min: Okay, now we’re really cooking with gas. The hand jobber reaches cruising speed. Right now I have to say the overall sensation is pleasant. It’s mildly amusing. Kind of like an amateur comedian. Oh….wait….oh….no…no…The Tenga is broken; I repeat the Tenga is broken. My penis punched a hole in it. “See, it really is for little Japanese dicks” my accomplice says giddily. Clearly, racial stereotypes die hard (Dear Japanese/Asian men everywhere: I am not a proponent of any dick related stereotyping or discrimination. Please do not hold me responsible for the hand jobbers racial profiling. I think I should also note that she has never “been with” an Asian man of any kind. Let me also note again that she is Chinese; shades of a little Sino-Japanese historical hostility perhaps?).

6 min: Clean up and disposal.

FINAL VERDICT:

All things considered I’m not a huge fan of the Tenga Disposable Egg in and of itself. It was pleasant enough but not earth shattering. My accomplice was indifferent to it and felt it made my penis look weird. But since I’m a proper sexologist (actually, I’m not a proper anything) let me note that my methodology may have been faulty. Perhaps I should have used more lube. Perhaps the hand jobber shouldn’t have pumped with as much enthusiasm. Perhaps I should have done it myself. But you know what? My partner in dick crime and I had a good time. We laughed, hugged and hi-fived. We also ended up having pretty good sex. Maybe, just maybe the Tenga played a role in setting the mood for our night. And I may just get me another Tenga Egg to see if I can’t do better by myself.

I have no idea what her sex life is or ever has been like, but I hope my mom has been getting it good and regular. She deserves it, she’s a good person. And if this article is any indication, the potential for my mom and all other ladies who are getting older is great.

Fantastic sex writer Jayme Waxman explains that women are more sexually satisfied as they get older because they are comfortable expressing themselves, their men are less sexually needy (and become more cuddly and focused on the woman’s pleasure) and once menopause hits, the freedom of knowing babies won’t happen is a great relief. Sounds like lady’s hit the jackpot!

But a couple of those factors can be addressed earlier on. Make sure your partner has the opportunity to express her wants, desires and preferred sex needs. And make sure you give her plenty of attention when you two are getting frisky. Please her, pleasure her, rock her world! Because you know, you’d want your mom to feel that good too.

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I love progressive companies! Especially progressive toy companies. And who’d have thought a company as high-profile as Mattel would jump on the sex education bandwagon? Okay, they didn’t exactly do it on purpose and it wasn’t likely the most positive move. Nope, putting a sex line number on the side of a popular Matchbox tow truck probably wasn’t the best idea. So, were they trying to give the kids a lift? Were they offering assistance for flat, er, tires?

This story kinda makes me want to rummage through all of my kids’ toys to see if there are phone numbers on them and then call, see if I can find something like this and get on the news. Did my Hot Wheel and Matchbox cars ever have porn on them? I wish! Not to say they weren’t my own, special dinky cars.

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Great to see: New York City is mandating sexual education in school. Less great to see: it seems to be the same old sex education that has been proven to be fairly ineffective for a long time.

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for providing any information to children and teens that will help them grow as positive and responsible sexual individuals. I was shocked and dismayed when the Ontario government’s proposed comprehensive sex ed was pulled because it was ‘too much’ for religious and conservative groups. It was a great curriculum, which, I still think didn’t go far enough. But it was scrapped, er, withdrawn for further review.

Now, here is New York City, as part of a larger initiative to improve the lives of youth, putting sex ed in all schools. Again, great! But, how can it be a strong initiative when parents will be able to keep their kids out of classes that talk about birth control? What other topics will be deemed taboo for some? Part of the initiative is to speak directly to the Black and Latino communities who have higher instances of teen pregnancy and STI transmission. Wouldn’t forcing those kids to learn about birth control potentially help reduce these rates? But, how is this going to work if these kids can just opt out? Won’t somebody please Think of the Children and teach them about sex?

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Ever notice how some studies of male sexuality make guys look like real jackasses? When research is done on women’s sexuality, we learn important things about what women think and desire, and it often seems to be needed information. Maybe it is because men have so dominated culture and society and sex for so long that all of the perceived notions on male sexuality need a radical change. But then a study of “partner betweenness” comes along and I just shake my head.

This study, published in the Journal of Sociology posits that men between the ages of 57–85 take issue and then have issues when their wives have closer relationships with their friends than they do. Apparently this can cause erectile difficulties and difficulties achieving orgasm. According to researchers it undermines their masculinity.

Let’s undermine this study:

1. These are men 57-85, otherwise known as the traditionally rock-hard fucking machines of the world. Guys that age are always ready to go and ready to shoot a big load every single time. No flying at half mast for these bad boys…
2. If your wife has a closer relationship to your friend than you do, that makes him her friend.
3. Researchers do note that erectile dysfunction can also be caused by obesity, heart disease, kidney, and diabetes, as well as by certain medications. Now between their wives getting too chummy with their buddies and the health risks listed above, which do you think are more likely to be causes of ED for  the 57–85 group?…Thought so.
4. Betweenness is mathematical term and this crap doesn’t add up.

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The Canadian sex community lost a leader and friend this past week in Wendy Babcock. Her story is inspirational and shocking. Her triumphs were awesome. You will be missed by all the people whose lives you touched, Wendy.

“Come and talk to me” said the Ladies of London Town…

And with a bit of sauce and a lot of swagger the Gentlemen of this fine city replied, “Why we’d be delighted.” That’s the equivalent of a “Hell Yeah” in American.

However, madness descended…

Last week saw a low point in the history of my city of residence. Something I hope our readers recognise as the few blighting the lives and reputations of the many. I would like to say I’m a believer in “least said, soonest mended” but in this instance I have offered my opinion (a.k.a. ranted unabashed) for the past four days, so I will stick to the point and the bright side here.

So, in spite of it all, the delightful Sh! Girlz were happy to proceed with our event at their Portobello Road store last Thursday. There were still a few brave women willing to venture out, and even braver men all too happy to stand up and perform to our selected crowd.

These elite chaps entertained our delighted ladies with tales of travels and talk of conversations past, present and future. Much to the joy of our audience we found both our imagination and intellect stimulated (with a good dose of partial male nudity thrown in for good measure).

Only two competed, but having heard them both – it’s fair to say they were likely the best London had to offer for aural treats anyway… If you beg to differ we’ll be back for another competition so you better be willing to prove yourself!

Not to limit our ladies to such a short affair, when they had braved the wilds of urban London, we also had a reading from Maxim Jakubowski’s upcoming novel “Ekaterina and the Night”; before our judges took to the stage to present the grand prize and their critique for our orators…

It’s fair to say they were thorough in their feedback and wise in their words. Judgement coming from the delightful Sarah Berry of Fannying Around and the delectable Rubyyy Jones.

After all this stimulation (and champagne, and cupcakes – those Sh! girlz throw a great do!) everyone headed upstairs for some retail therapy.

Which leads me to my off topic tie in… The Tenga Egg.

It’s always a nice gesture when you gift your lover with a handjob; especially when it’s as the entirety of the act and not as a warm up gesture. It’s even better when you lube up your palms, and thanks to a demo from Joanna we all learned how to give our men the “Rolls Royce” version with the tricksy little egg. Inside is a pocket of joy for wanking off your man – which in the words of Rubyyy Jones “must feel like fucking into forever”.

So the next time civil unrest keeps you locked indoors have this trick up your sleeve to while away the evenings in. And there will be another “Come and Talk to Me”, next time to be just as riotous but without the rioting…

As I promised you all yesterday, I’m back (on time no less) with Part Two of my interview with Carlyle Jansen, owner of Good For Her. I could blather on (I’m real good for that at times), but as I’m sure those of you who’ve already read Part One of this interview are anxious to read what Carlyle has to on female orgasms, the sexuality workshops GFH offers and sex toys, I’m going to keep this short and sweet. So, without further ado ladies and gents, I give you Carlyle in her own words, one mo’ time…

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Skye: Your store has an extensive offering of sexuality workshops, and you and your staff seem to be quite committed to sexual education. How do you go about deciding what classes to offer and developing the curriculum for each class?

CJ: We look at what questions people are asking, and what books or other resources they are after. Then sometimes a new class is an off shoot from another workshop. For instance, I started teaching a class on orgasms when I realized there were always a few women in the class who didn’t orgasm at all. I knew I couldn’t fully meet their needs and still talk about everything else that was more advanced, and geared towards having better orgasms. So, I broke that off into a Learning to Orgasm course with a follow up.

People will also approach us and say I want to do a class on X. So we’ll talk to them, see what they’ve taught previously and then give it a go to see if the class will work out.

So, basically we want classes to provide an open environment for the people who attend, to fill a gap, and to be something that people are going to find interesting.

Skye: You just mentioned your Learning to Orgasm class. Is that still a class that’s in high demand?

CJ: Yes. It always fills up. When I first ran it I thought I may have three or four people, but it usually has between 12 and 15 participants. And it’s a big deal for a lot of the women who choose to come. At least one woman ends up feeling quite emotional in the middle of it, because there are relationship and self-esteem issues that are affected by it. So, it’s quite a relief for those women to find out that there are other women out there like them. Because, often when these women talk to their friends, they’re the only one in their social circle who can’t orgasm.

Skye: And are the women who attend these classes comfortable discussing their difficulty orgasming?

CJ: Some are and some aren’t. There are women who come in who have tried all kinds of things, talked to all kinds of people and read all kinds of books, who are happy to say all kinds of things about what they like. But then there are others who’ve never talked about it before and who aren’t really comfortable talking about sex. We see a whole range.

Skye: There are a number of very popular sexuality workshops at GFH, the most well attended being Giving Great Head, but which of the classes offered do you most enjoy teaching?

CJ: I’m really happy teaching people about technique, but what I really get satisfaction from is when I feel like people discover something about themselves that they didn’t know before. And so, some of the classes where we get to do that are Getting the Sex You Want, Deepening Intimacy for Couples, Discovering Your Erotic Sensual Self. Even the Erotic Massage for Couples, which helps people learn about their partners through touch. Because it’s hands on, people learn all sorts of new things about themselves as a couple and how they like to have sex that they hadn’t noticed before.

Of course that can happen in almost any class, though it happens less frequently in the technique classes.  However, take a class like Giving Great Head for example, as much as it’s about technique, what we also help women do is reframe what that looks like, what the goal is and how you can enjoy it. So, I also find that very satisfying.

Skye: GFH also offers a wide variety of sex toys. Which are your personal favourites?

The Form 2 Vibe

CJ: The Hitachi magic wand is a great vibrator. You never have to look for batteries. The Form 2 is also fabulous, it looks like a tooth. The designers were clearly thinking outside the box and thinking what is going to do really interesting things for women’s anatomy on the outside, so it’s really great for that. The Orchid is a fantastic G-post vibrator. And the Pjur lube.

Skye: You are also connected to an organization called SHEPP, Sexual Health Education and Pleasure Project. Could you tell our readers a bit about that?

CJ: SHEPP is a not for profit organization and there are a few of us who run it. It’s about offering pleasure based sexual information to youth and other marginalised communities. So what we strive to do is offer topics around sexual health, technique, and learning about sex. But there is always a pleasure aspect to what we teach. We don’t shy away from discussing pleasure, so we get people interested in learning about sex. When we discuss pleasure we can still leave in the information about STIs and safer sex, but people are generally interested in learning more about pleasure than anything else.

When the teen sex survey happened a few years ago, one of the things teens wanted to learn about was pleasure. They wanted to learn how about how to have sex. So, we go to schools (generally alternative ones, as they have more leeway about what they can do), community centres and youth groups to teach people about sex.

Skye: GFH recently presented Café Scientifique, a panel discussion on Female Sexual Dysfunction (FSD) that was well attended and very interesting. What are your thoughts on all the attention FSD is getting in the media and from pharmaceutical companies lately?

CJ: The attention it’s getting I think is good, because there is a lot of shame around sex when it doesn’t quite work the way you want it to. So, I think the attention is important for people to realize that they’re not alone.

I do think that there is a certain amount of medicalization of women’s sexuality, sort of this idea that what is often very normal for women needs to be fixed with a pill they’re trying to come up with. But it’s just the way we are. In essence, we’re not always horny all the time and we often need something to stimulate us in order to get aroused, and that will stimulate the desire. But now, somehow the fact that we’re not horny all the time is a supposed to be a problem, and many women don’t understand that their experience is quite “normal“. So that’s an issue, but there’s also more valuable discussion. Books like Sex, Lies and Pharmaceuticals are starting to expose some of that. So people are starting to talk more about what is normal for women sexually.

The result is that more women are recognizing that there’s nothing wrong with them. That they are actually quite normal and that all they need is to find something to stimulate themselves to boost their libido, instead of a pill. So I think that’s it great that there’s more and more discussion about it. Of course with more discussion, come more voices, which means you have to filter through the voices to find out who has the best intentions for women.

Skye: What in your opinion is the single most misunderstood aspect of women’s sexuality?

CJ: I don’t know if this is the single most, but it’s definitely what comes to mind first. I will regularly get into conversations with women who say they can’t orgasm. Then when I get into all the different things she can try to start having orgasms, she stops me as says, ‘Oh no, I can orgasm on my own.’ Then I ask them if they can orgasm during oral sex, and she’ll say ‘Yeah, that’s fine too.’

So what I think is misunderstood are our expectations around how women “should” orgasm. There’s still so much emphasis on intercourse, and we’re still so tied up in the notion that that’s the real way to orgasm. To many women and their partners, other ways of achieving orgasm simply don’t count.

I’ve even met with women who say, ‘I understand that only 30% of women orgasm via intercourse only, but all my friends can orgasm without clitoral stimulation, so what’s wrong with me?’ So, this whole misunderstanding of the fact that the vagina does indeed produce pleasure, but may not be enough to produce orgasm in women still exists. And is causes a lot of problems for people: problems in relationships, problems with self-esteem, and problems in how they perceive themselves.

Skye: You’re on record as saying that people often take sex far too seriously. Why do you think so many of us have tendency to do so, instead of seeing it as a fun and healthy activity?

CJ: Well, I’m not sure what context I said that in, so let me start by saying sex can be very serious. Especially when it involves violence that’s non-consensual. But outside of that, I find that people tend to be really focused on doing it the right way, and there’s no one right way to do it, obviously. What feels good to you today may not be so great tomorrow.

So, I think because we generally don’t know a lot about sex, and it’s so much about performance – where we have to be a diva or a stud – we have this thing to live up to. We end up being focused on performing, rather than just enjoying the experience and letting go enough to allow ourselves to make mistakes.

I think there is a whole other aspect of our self-esteem that gets tapped into during sex, that doesn’t get tapped into in other places. So, we all get nervous about that being shattered: which makes us a little too serious rather than saying “let’s try this” or “I don’t really know what to do, so let’s try to figure out what works”.

Skye: Beyond the FPAs, SHEPP, and offering your services as a sex educator to schools and various organizations, are there any other initiatives supporting women and other marginalized communities that you and/or GFH are involved in?

CJ:  I was involved in the queer women pap campaign a few years ago, that drew attention to the fact that queer women need to get paps too, which was really great and satisfying. I am also involved with the women and trans bath house committee.

Skye: Any final thoughts you’d like to share with our readers?

CJ: Drop by for a cup of tea some time. (smiles) Beyond that though, I want to say that Good For Her is really known for our customer service. I get stopped in the street and people will tell me that whomever it was that served them the last time they were in was exceptionally knowledgeable, really nice, attentive and patient. So I think we really excel at customer service and the staff is really great. I’m one small part of it, but it’s the staff that makes the shop what it is on a daily basis.

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