50 Shades of Oh Dear God Mother!: A Sort of Review!
My mother popped over tonight. She has been poorly so I cooked for her. I asked her what she had done today, she isn’t very good at being indoors,
‘Oh I started my new book.’ she said. I didn’t need to ask what the title was. ‘I’m not sure it’s for me, I might have to give it to you. It’s called 50 Shades of Grey.’
I’m now smirking into the washing up bowl as I finish washing the saucepans, but I can’t leave it alone, I am intrigued, ‘Oh no, don’t worry I have already read it, *cool as a cucumber – this is my mother * how far in have you got?’
‘To the contract bit, although I couldn’t be bothered to read it all seemed a bit boring to me *she changes subject while I choke on my wine and try not to fall over laughing* Oh right, so you might have the next two that I can borrow?’ *hint hint*
*A bit too quick* ‘No.’
‘Oh right, why? Didn’t you enjoy it?’
Then I had to backtrack a little to try not to give my entire reasoning for not wanting to buy the other two parts of the trilogy. Firstly I broke my own rule, never ever mention the Kindle, it ONLY has smut downloaded and I live in fear one of my family will flick through the pages to discover my electronic erotica collection. Secondly, I then had to think of a reason to explain why I didn’t want to read the other two….
‘Its on my kindle’ *kicks self*
‘I didn’t know you had a kindle’ *yes you did, le sigh*
‘Oh well I do, so even if I was going to download them, which I’m not, you couldn’t have borrowed them.’
‘Couldn’t I borrow your Kindle?’
‘NO!!!! I mean, I am half way through the new erm…. *think of the least smutty book I can on my e-reader* Fiona Walker novel’ *fuck fuck fuck, she will want to read this too!* ‘Anyway, this is besides the point, I’m not going to download them, YOU can tell ME what happens!’ *phew, nice diversion tactics*
*Oh FFS Mother, force me to tell you why don’t you!!* ‘I didn’t enjoy the ermmm……… *thinks on feet, can’t really say, the poor depiction of BDSM and the painting of Grey as a Dominant into ‘kink’ ONLY because he was abused and forced into an underage submissive relationship* the errrrrr…….. *nor can I say the pathetic uselessness of Ana and her inner goddess, I mean come on woman – sorry girl, take a quick spanking for the good and fulfillment of your sex life, what else did I dislike, Oh FFS yes, of course* the writing.’ *phew*
‘What’s wrong with the writing?’
*growls under breath* ‘Didn’t you find it a little juvenile and a little too *vanilla* erm…. whiney?’
‘Not really, well not yet, I’ll let you know.’
Phew conversation disaster averted…. Or so I hoped…..
(10 minutes later)
‘Anyway, what IS BDSM? I have written down a list of terms to look up on Wikipedia.’
*dies laughing or if I don’t die please kill me, and soon!*
God knows what will happen when she reaches the part with the “red room of pain” or the flogger…. sheeeesh.
I have sent her away with Maggie Gyllenhaal’s Secretarial skills to absorb….. I’m hoping she wont ask me anything else.
Ask no questions Mother, I shall tell you no lies!!!
This post originally appeared at misslilyspad.com/50-shades-of-oh-dear-god-mother-a-sort-of-review