What Relationship Experts Know About Dating That You Don’t

1. The Worst People Get the Most Dates
Frustrating but true: The more narcissistic a person is, the more beguiling they seem when you first meet them. The discovery came out of a recent study in the European Journal of Personality where researchers had subjects take personality tests before they went on speed dates with other participants. Men and women who displayed more narcissistic characteristics were rated as more desirable for both short- and long-term relationships by their fellow speed daters. (Keep in mind that the researchers weren’t measuring clinical narcissistic personality disorder, but if you meet someone with that, even more reason to run very far away.)

We wondered how it could possibly be that subjects failed to spot a self-centered person when they were literally sitting right in front of them, but lead study author Emanuel Jauk, PhD, professor of psychology at the University of Graz, in Austria, has an explanation. “The positive aspects of narcissism, like charm, self-confidence and assertiveness, seem to dominate the first impression,” says Jauk. “The rather undesirable aspects, like self-absorbedness, arrogance and entitlement, are harder to recognize at first.” Jauk says narcissists may even try to charm people they’re not actually interested in because they crave admiration from everyone, not just the people they like. (If you’ve got a narcissist in your life, romantic or not, we’ve got advice on how to deal with them here.)

2. An Attractive Stranger’s Jokes Can Reveal Their Intentions
If you’re looking for love and the person you’re chatting with is using the old flirtatious-teasing approach (think self-deprecating jokes or using other people, like, well, you, as the punch line), you’re probably not after the same thing. Both men and women tend to use this type of negative humor when they’re interested in something short-term, found forthcoming research led by Theresa DiDonato, PhD, an associate professor of psychology at Loyola University Maryland. There’s a catch though: Subjects were more likely to use positive jokes, like pointing out the awkwardness of hitting on someone at the bar, when they were pursuing short- and long-term relationships. So while a warmer sense of humor is no guarantee that you’re on the same page, a string of darker jokes is a warning sign that you’re definitely not.

Read more www.oprah.com